🧵 View Thread
🧵 Thread (16 tweets)
today i am in a mild version of hell. it feels like i’m surrounded by plexiglass. i’m unreachable. there is no air, im sobbing. there could be people and activities around me, they couldn’t reach me. im behind glass. im unreachable. i don’t think i trust them https://t.co/7hjrg3aTIL
i didn’t want to cry, like i had been the last few days. i didn’t know anyone or anything. i noticed the open window, it annoyed me. i wanted to yell, but i couldn’t, because the window felt open. i closed it and got under the covers and yelled. i yelled
last night, i cried, and it didn’t feel like being in the present at all. it felt like being in two weeks ago, when i was at my parents’ house in india. i held on to his crying so i didn’t have to cry there
there seems to be this phase when you discover crying where you cry in every space that feels safe https://t.co/Veo7mTYVVo
in every space that feels chill. that wouldn’t feel put off. that could just take it https://t.co/ZGzT4jL2KI
i felt intensely monitored my entire childhood life by people i didn’t feel safe being monitored by lil me decided early on he wouldn’t show any emotion my parents could latch on to https://t.co/HInUWWrFp3
emotional range: none (on purpose) https://t.co/wZ35B3QN6I
!! this https://t.co/reJKNoxGJD
mildly peeved at emotional instructions to self-soothe that omit “step 0: determine if you’re actually safe. 0.1 if you can’t, learn how to do that 0.2 if you can & realize that you aren’t, get safe 0.3 if both are presently impossible, say you’re listening”
i can’t help notice the significance of closing the window and connect it to rival’s article about being open or closed to the world, as closed as you’d like https://t.co/EE6K90YCbP
@AskYatharth Living with my parents, and I still haven't figured out what to do when I want to scream / cry. Best thing I've figured out is to do a sort of "silent" scream or cry, but it's obviously not the same as just letting everything out.