𧾠View Thread
𧾠Thread (22 tweets)
This is true even if your spouse is the least annoying, frustrating, upsetting person you know, because of base rates. Eg say the average person has a 10% chance of annoying me, and my wife has a 1% chance. I still hang with my wife much more than 10x than the average person
Spouses get to see the worst sides of each other more than anybody else, and so itâs very easy for people to learn to think more poorly of their spouses than other people - which is sad because thereâs a sort of optical illusion / selection bias at play
Marriage is the first relationship in your life thatâs anything like marriage. Nothing quite prepares you for it. When youâre dating, youâre not yet *entirely* subjected to the consequences of the other personâs actions or inaction, and walking away is a cheaper option
Also this probably varies from culture to culture, but other peopleâs assumptions and expectations become a big deal. Families expect things of wives that they donât expect so much of girlfriends. Women get the short end of the stick on this one https://t.co/kDALj9GtWB
It will become easy to get angry & frustrated with your partner - especially since youâre in such close proximity and your actions impact each other so much. So you need a system to acknowledge, address and resolve all this pain and resentment. IMO this is more intimate than sex https://t.co/yS96J5mqr5
"The problem most people have with marriages that fail is that they go in thinking, "This person will make me happy." The fuck they will." "You aren't signing on for happiness. You are signing on for sharing human life, and a human life is a complete chaotic crazy mess." https://t.co/YucqwcSgpg
For us, humor is central to keeping things interesting, fun, compelling. Youâre not going to escape pain, but if you can laugh about it together (caveat: not contemptuously at each other) then itâs still fun https://t.co/PyG4tg0AOU
The project management of a marriage, which is something Iâm still not very great at + always trying to be better https://t.co/rTqgqjGBS4
found this in my screenshots folder https://t.co/Jqdu8vEnXn
acceptance, by owen shen https://t.co/eIwCxtszoZ https://t.co/Rx97XJllpb
"âI am going to listen to my wife. What a wise idea. I am going to send flowers and a kind note.â And I go, âGood, youâre learning." https://t.co/vjNSaC4iW3
^ "Itâs just this constant bungling dance of trying to get it mostly right and then being very, very forgiving when we wind up punching each other in the face.â "[...] weâve really tried to respect and appreciate the talents and the lacks that each of us have.â https://t.co/IOrpX9esKh
This is good https://t.co/k2qTD1dMHu
fight requests https://t.co/FhCtnRCd06
Wife and I are laughing tonight about one of our silliest fights from a week ago - when we review our past fights together, it seems like every fight begins with someone sending the other a fight proposal/request, and the other person accepting it đ
the increased overlap means it becomes necessary to be more considerate https://t.co/lL4XM21zZp
The longer a relationship lasts, the likelier it is that youâll step on each otherâs toes in recognizably repetitive patterns. The longer this goes on, the more hollow of an excuse âI wasnât thinkingâ becomes. It thus becomes *necessary* to become more considerate. https://t.co/pKZvA1ihWs
it takes effort to make love effortless https://t.co/7mDxIZFeeO
but once you experience that state of flow, from work to payoff to work to payoff, and you can pass things to your partner wordlessly in the dark and witness them pass it back, bc your shared understanding is so fire? then love is easy, love is effortless https://t.co/786mY53na5
marital systems https://t.co/Rapl8nNaxk
a strange thing about marriage or maybe any serious partnership is how⌠so each person has a personal system that works for them if they get to use it to completion, but half of each personâs system put together sometimes just leads to worse outcomes