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a strange thing about marriage or maybe any serious partnership is how… so each person has a personal system that works for them if they get to use it to completion, but half of each person’s system put together sometimes just leads to worse outcomes
so for eg suppose each person has a philosophy or workflow of “how to clean the house”, but each person’s early staging processes violates the other person’s principles. Result: a logjam that leads to more inaction and worse outcomes than either person would tolerate alone
and funnily from some points of view this is actually the ideal outcome at some stages, while you work through figuring out a coherent workable consensus philosophy/workflow, which might involve unexpected yelling about childhood anxieties you never thought to consider
Tho if we reflect on how the logjam can generate exhaust and other undesirable waste – resentment etc – I think we get a bit clearer about how happy marriages can go sour. And also how/why outside intervention or influence is prob necessary (eg talking with friends, community)