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Okay, it turns out I just ended up writing this thread in the previous one. https://t.co/EenTK35zTA
[Why “just” is misleading] It embeds the idea that one “should just be able to do it.” There there shouldn’t be any problems. This is false, as becomes clear upon reflection. https://t.co/7LGJveYgGw
There are problems, and it’s the fact that it feels scary to do the thing, and that in and of itself is enough to make it a problem. [This is a really subtle point, though an important one.] https://t.co/w8xyTi3Fwu
Even if the alarm system is off, and there’s not actually a lion in the bushes, the fact that the alarm went off means that my system might go into an unstable state if I take the dangerous-feeling action anyway. That’s what it means that the danger is not up for debate.
[Why it can be unkind to say “just do it”] 1. You’re invoking a hidden assumption in the person that causes a lot of suffering. 2. You’re asking them to do something the scary way that doesn’t help them feel safe and expected with the fear. They subtly expect to not feel it. https://t.co/zzf1Qyn6hV
Even saying a single sentence is not a discrete action—it’s a dynamic thing It’s not just overcoming the fear once, to intend to begin saying it. The fear keeps reasserting itself (as it should, it’s an ecology maintaining homeostasis), and one has to continually let go https://t.co/4vMw7LsQaf
No need to mention that. If you trip, don’t pause the music. Just keep going. Expect to keep tripping. That’s what both you and your partner might want. Not always best to pause and point to it. https://t.co/hR6CnaTb1E
[Though SOMETIMES that’s exactly the helpful thing to do.] https://t.co/IZ9QOHnq7B
@ChanaMessinger @mechanicalmonk1 @artfulminimal @sarelbic OTOH, if you are feeling needy, simply calling it out can work “Wow, I’m noticing I’m feeling craazy needy around you! Damn!” You named it without being needy about it And so I trust you and feel at ease. I might even ask, “Oh really?” and feel curious https://t.co/ycv1XuWsuE
[When “just do it” is helpful] Of course the phrase is sometimes helpful. (Why else would Shia LaBeouf be yelling it so loudly?) https://t.co/fA9I4Xkgd6
It’s useful in the sense that you always can do the thing. It’s just not a matter of just. It’s going to feel (at least briefly) unsafe. But if you expect that and want to go ahead anyway? “Just do it” is great! https://t.co/wc6kUV5XYu
I really couldn’t “just do it” before. There really is a meaningful difference between me now and me then that makes it way easier to say those things now. I could done it before before, but it wouldn’t be a matter of “just.” It would be much scarier. https://t.co/Ap7eCUsPRf
3. Expect the fear to come back. “Every so often, the fear will come back, you will be surprised again, and stop. There is no escaping the need here to just pause, really really notice the fear and *expect* it to be there, expect it till it feels familiar, and then move again.”
Quite pleased with how this thread turned out! https://t.co/GSJgBqTvua
Yet another tip for losing the drama around “just do it” and just doing it. https://t.co/Bg7QPqBf6u
I “just did it” and it felt easy and fun. But it wasn’t out of a “I should do this scary thing 🥺.” It was just “I spontaneosly felt like it in the moment and let go.” It’s a good way to avoid the coercion & drama around “just do it”—wait for the spontaneous lil desire to pop up https://t.co/Ap7eCUsPRf
[postscript] "just use the command line" https://t.co/r19rNj57Rf https://t.co/5WrRKBVSFI https://t.co/3TtOKxJrEe
