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There’s a lot of flirting, being myself, voicing boundaries, etc. that feels easy now. Theoretically, past me could have said them. But the thing is https://t.co/sDmjmFWKkN
If I had to concisely define status in a phrase: status = how close you are to getting kicked from the tribe Higher status means riskier options are available, lower status means trying to avoid death. Low status is expensive in the same way it’s expensive to be poor.
The thing is those strategies were literally unsafe for me to do before, because I wouldn’t have known what to do if they went wrong. https://t.co/u7bHHG2Ke3
It’s precisely my ability to be with the possibility they could go wrong [and not blank out], that makes saying those things feel more available now. I trust myself to not freeze, or not feel too bad, or to patch up. Before, it was unfamiliar relational territory.
I really couldn’t “just do it” before. There really is a meaningful difference between me now and me then that makes it way easier to say those things now. I could done it before before, but it wouldn’t be a matter of “just.” It would be much scarier. https://t.co/Ap7eCUsPRf
Sometimes it’s worth “just” doing it, and sometimes, what needs to happen is to 1. recognise this harmful idea of “just do it.” 2. notice it’s PREDICATED on this false and confused assumption you should just be able to do the thing without issues.
3. recognise how silly that assumption is and in fact, there is a coherent danger your system is detecting, whether or not the risk is “real,” the alarm of it is. 4. by noticing (3), hopefully not feel so much expectation error at being able to “just do it.”
Better version of this thread right here: https://t.co/Ap7eCUsPRf