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this feels like a very wordcel worry that i live inside a world of purely symbols, that my entire life is a but a symbol to others https://t.co/tKeManlUUk
that’s what it felt like that's why everything i had to do was perfect i would rather not do, than do anything but perfect that what i get to be the narrative i was the narrative https://t.co/BHB3UKVMwT
the antidote was doing things in the real world ("shape rotating") and caring about them https://t.co/m1pHLofYBF
people-pleasing and narcissism are both about when how other people feel about you is more real than anything else you know making yourself real is like a magic trick “poof.” all of a sudden this person appears out of nowhere “you mean to say you were there all along?”
(shape rotating vs wordcel) https://t.co/8Edq1MNvIP
cultivating taste cultivating something real https://t.co/Mj6v3rhTl5
there’s a parallel to non-coercion here people worried about non-coercion have a really loud “should” voice in their head they’re trying to find a different voice that feels more like them, they can attune to https://t.co/VbzSzOhXjk
in both cases, the cringe/should is this sense of other people’s voice inside your head and you can either quiet all your voices down. and maybe become guidanceless for a while. and wait for something to emerge or you can start attuning to something greater already
so anyway, i feel terrified my life is cringe actually, i can kinda see now . . . how yatharth was so worried about just what other people thought ofc he worried it was cringe it makes me wanna ask, what else does yatharth care about? what else has he come to care about?
it’s love, thoughtfulness, competence, mastery. secure attachment, unboundable joy, the right to die, the right to live. it’s getting things he wants, being humble, being thankful. etc it’s some slightly bigger things too, but those for now
there are some voices that sound incredibly loud and specific people remind me of that make me feel incredibly incompetent and small and scarce 😔 but like if i think about if i wanna do those things, and the answer is just no
“institutions and scholarships created a world where the most real thing was how they felt about you” https://t.co/BIdDIQvTi3
acidQC said - the rest of these have been paraphrases but this one is a direct quote: "your parents created a world for you where the most real thing was how they felt about you. they successfully used money to make everything else less real by protecting you from it" https://t.co/RZhEiY2oo0
damn, this is what ive been trying to articulate with all this “pieces of paper felt more real” stuff ik theoretically they were correlated with actually rotating shapes (making good) in the real world, but it never felt that way to me https://t.co/4cLrgskAF0
I really did live in a deferred meaning world, huh, where the people would evaluate me based on submitted pieces of paper, and it’s a world that continued indefinitely, from school to uni to beyond. There’s another world, that always existed, that I never, ever knew about.
i never felt truly rewarded for actual performance (per me) and i always felt rewarded for things that felt unremarkable to me https://t.co/Lgg17OGvWl
real is when you have to solve the problem end-to-end. including all the little problems. does it work?? ok fake is when you can present Big New Ideas and if people like them you win. but did you solve all the little problems? doesn’t matter https://t.co/0iyjAOWJqJ
real things. i wanna. 💪🙏 https://t.co/KgFW5burYx
>Indeed I have always been of the opinion that hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing to do. https://t.co/V4YD2BtffN