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You know, I speak out a lot against specific instances of toxic masculinity, but I think this sort of framing misses the point somehow, or mis-frames it rather. I mean, itās not technically wrong, but itās also not-even-wrong, ykwim? Let me try and articulate my POV https://t.co/OfUPeaKMqb
1. Nature is cruel and violent, red in tooth and claw, full of things like disgusting parasites. Even adorable house cats are violent murderers who kill for fun. Welcome to existence. itās grotesque and horrifying. I am so sorry, but it is https://t.co/3oJ0Cjd09s
2. Man- by which I mean mankind- is a part of nature. We have a tiny little bean in our primitive brains that permits us to think & imagine, but itās new. The history of man is a history of hideous violence&cruelty. Thereās more, of course- beautiful things, art, music. But also: https://t.co/8kxgnaEuYo
(Human History, by Milo Manara - granted this is also the creepy guy who really really likes to draw women in extremely compromising positions - but that really adds to the point rather than subtracts from it. We are the descendants of creepy, insecure, violent, cruel creatures) https://t.co/5Ryq622nEN
To be clear again before I proceed: I donāt like this. I am not a fan of cruel, bloodthirsty assholes the same way I am not a fan of creepy parasitic worms that can control minds and use other creatures as living-dead vehicles. But it is the truth of our world. We inherited this https://t.co/KSeAJaINTG
3. So hereās the thing about living in a world with violent, cruel, assholes: You have to be able to protect and defend yourself. There are a *lot* of ways in which people fuck this up, and sometimes the medicine is worse than the disease, but the underlying fact remains https://t.co/drQyerrVDR
4. Itās probably not healthy to assume that the world is FULL of assholes trying to rape, pillage, murder and wreck your shit. I do truly believe most people around the world just want to eat good food, laugh at memes, do some nice sex, live in peace https://t.co/P5aQjJ3hok
Somebody Feed Phil is possibly my favourite show on Netflix. Itās so heartening and wholesome, this guy just going around the world & eating beautiful food with kind, warm-hearted, funny, lovable people. The food is a head fake; the whole point - the meaning of life - is friends. https://t.co/46LUxX9dnF
5. But hereās a troubling fact: it only takes a handful of malnourished soldiers to utterly pwn a crowd of well-nourished civilians. Iāve talked about this in other terms: it takes very few assholes to ruin everything for everyone https://t.co/pLiSRP0r7u
Grain heavy diet wasn't very good for these folks, now starved of vitamins, iron, protein. Avg height dropped 6 inches. And yet, the (unnutritious) food surplus allowed specialization. Specialized, malnutritioned soldiers were still able to drive remaining hunter-gatherers away
6. So- the history of humanity is the history of violence, war, rape, trauma, fear, anxiety. What Iām inching up to is the idea that the brokenness of our planetās men & boys is *civilizational*. Itās primordial; itās so everywhere that people donāt see it https://t.co/mCiohGWbsM
Quick side-note: Sometimes when people say āoh singapore is boringā, Singaporeans either agree (aiyo) or get defensive. I actually donāt agree, but the question I have is, āhave you considered why it might be the way it is? Hint: trauma. Lots of trauma https://t.co/2ixkbV5pid
SG was occupied by the Japanese during WW2 (1942-1945) - ~100,000 allied troops killed or imprisoned - Between 50,000 to 100,000 Chinese young men were rounded up and killed - people were decapitated; heads were put on pikes in the city, food was scarce, terrible conditions https://t.co/VEucsXk69V
This national trauma is why I had to spend 2 years of my life in uniform (and a week or two every year or so since), itās why I know how to throw a grenade, disassemble a rifle You know, the whole āNever Againā thing š¤ https://t.co/amEdbgmiXc
joined the army, served as support staff to elite commando unit ā witnessed extremely high-functioning men. inspiring was re-assigned several times during a my storeman course, one of my coursemates (a teenage dad) was beaten into a coma over the weekend by gangsters https://t.co/uHWLQw8KZv
7. Back to the āparent hands on misery to childā motif. I donāt think most parents are assholes. (Some certainly are!) Yet lots of mostly-nice parents pass on all sorts of painful bullshit to their kids. Why? Fear, neediness, insecurity. Unaddressed trauma. (Read FB status in 6.) https://t.co/Hu0JFvROf9
8. Now I think we have enough background and worldview contextualizing, I can get around to describing mainstream Menworld. In itās present state, itās pretty bleak. We certainly have a lot of work to do in cleaning it up, if youāre interested in it https://t.co/fJD4Tp4l2J
Many men grow up in Menworld, where you get bullied, mocked, beaten, threatened, etc for all sorts of minor transgressions (being too emotional, being wrong, etc). To those guys, those seem to be the rules of life; how the world works. The powerful take from the weak, etc
9. I know Lobster Daddy has said a bunch of weird things about hierarchy. But I think whatever weird things we say about it, weāre not going to escape them anytime soon. Certainly not in our lifetimes https://t.co/TEdSvOUade
Some critics of Menworld call for its complete dismantling. I respect their right to demand that. It's understandable. But I think the human impulse for hierarchy is too strong. So I'm a reformist. I believe in Good Fathers, Bosses, Leaders - I believe a renaissance is possible
10. I think this will be true for a very long time, and pretending otherwise will drive it underground and make it worse. My gut tells me that it would be a sort of Prohibition, and it would be very, very ugly https://t.co/UACS5L66xQ
Boys will always desire status, power, and yes, sex. They will consistently, predictably make LIFE-THREATENING decisions in pursuit of this. Men (and women) looking to rehabilitate masculinity will have to acknowledge this rather than handwave it away.
I know havenāt actually articulated my original concern yet š https://t.co/FQYxq95Aoh
At this point I must also confess that I got started writing this thread as a response to the tweet, and I havenāt read the article yet š thereās probably more nuance in the article. But letās address the tweet first before digging in https://t.co/55h6bDnn67
Before that, a couple of quotes for more context on my perspective. I believe masculinity needs rehabilitation, by men, for men, via men, with men https://t.co/RDtBkJ0Fel
(Okay Iām reading the article and I agree with all of these bits. Reader, I have been Owned) (But still, you see how the tweet is getting reactions from people who donāt read the article and donāt get all this nuance... so... Iāll just keep going) https://t.co/Co7c3rV0XH
Just a quick reminder that boys all over the world join gangs of all kinds https://t.co/MGTflSXYXH
Ok so two statements a. āTraditional masculinity is psychologically harmfulā b. āsocialising boys to suppress emotion causes damageā I guess the complication here is that everybody has different interpretations of what ātraditional masculinityā even *is*
Quick eg relating to how āsuppress emotionā is IMO actually a warped oversimplification of *regulate* emotion - which IMO is the true masculine ideal. Discipline, artful control https://t.co/3LsEoxTxD6
I realise while sitting with this that I (and most dudes in the replies) read the previous statements as part of an implied binary: thing bad!! so maybe remove thing? Remove thing good? Remove bad thing not always good, sometimes more bad!!! But who said to remove thing? š¤ https://t.co/ZCWTur2w2w
I do believe that for average everyday cis-het dudes, the absence or removal of traditional masculinity from their lives, without a replacement that respects their lived experience and impulses, will leave them extremely confused and messed up. Itāll fuck up their programming https://t.co/qoVFczp6h5
But that itself is not even *possible*. Mainstream Menworld is in a sense the primary cult of humanity, and has always been. itāll be near impossible to wipe it out, not cleanly. And Iām not sure thatās desirable anyway. This is all such abstract hypothetical territory, eugh https://t.co/Nz6J1nkBp5
āTraditional masculinity is psychologically harmfulā is a tricky statement without context If someone reads that to mean āso raise your boys insulated from itā, their boys are going to have a rough time You need to know the Kingās language to argue with the King https://t.co/xEmPob1ZkA
But Iām not saying socialise your boys to suppress their emotions!!! Just to be clear. If I had to give a prescription it might be just... pay attention to boys, to men, their hopes and fears and anxieties, be mindful. Ask questions. Investigate, inquire. Support, nourish https://t.co/KcDjZvqnV6
Also I suppose a thing Iāve been alluding to but not saying outright is: lots of men *are* pretty fragile, easily offended and threatened. I DONāT think itās appropriate to tell women āpls, what abt their feelings??ā But I also think itās unwise to corner frightened animals š¤š¤ https://t.co/UyqB4Fm73z
I guess again thatās why itās up to dudes to reform masculinity for each other. By demonstrating there is a better way. That we can be strong, smart *and* sensitive, and that we donāt have to be so threatened or insecure all the time. This means talking to other dudes, my dudes https://t.co/5qiZlH8LRY
Ultimately all the grand narratives about human history and violence and trauma, and elaborate theorizing about masculinity and patriarchy and gender norms and so on, it all boils down to: are you living your life in a way that you can be proud of? Are you a nourishing presence? https://t.co/cXzJRbOUyr
