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Violence and abuse megathread https://t.co/unf1K6imhF
Violence?? What does some cheerful soccer mum in a suburb have anything to do with violence?? This is the great comforting illusion of the factory-farm-zoo-circus-prison of civilisation. Violence, and the threat of it (incarceration, etc) is how we enforce rules and boundaries
The present state of gender relations has a long and violent history https://t.co/lINcfrmvmw
Since people have imaginations, you donât need to enact violence on every individual in order to keep them in line https://t.co/d33s5qnPjF
@vgr Hmm. Humans do have some imagination, so wr don't quite need individualized physical mutilation - we use institutionalized violence. Ie the chickens that peck get thrown into chicken jail and made an example of, and everyone learns to psychologically debeak themselves
Horrible story about an abusive, selfish, jealous asshole of a professor who sabotaged his student's career. She was too scared, guilty, pessimistic to fight back, even though it was absolutely not her fault. This is so hideous https://t.co/XTC6ijWZkt
Abusers rely on having environments that facilitate (or at least fail to impede) their abuse https://t.co/bICLmIN2fW
@GammerInc @sharanvkaur Problem with "crimes of a few" is that implies that these men operate in isolation. That's not how this works, I'm afraid. We are social creatures. Abusers rely on having an environment that facilitates their abuse. Who's responsible for fixing the environment, if not us?
Imperfect reactions to provocations are often punished more than the actual provocation. Smart abusers push their victimsâ buttons and then pretend to be the real victim https://t.co/DMBTze0VW3
I was 16 when Zidane headbutted Matarazzi, and I didnât care about it all that much then. But itâs actually such a fascinating story. âThe referees always punish the reaction, never the provocation.â Now contemplating the playbook of retaliation to abuse https://t.co/sR2JiPdm6x
Contempt https://t.co/fkcacpjLOZ
Of course, not everybody has this option. Contemptuous, manipulative abusers often design their abuse carefully to make their victims powerless, angry, upset, emotional, overwhelmed, âirrationalâ, etc, then use all of that against them. Hideously cruel
Breaking a cycle of abuse is heroic; Cinderella was a hero https://t.co/hRaMVq8pFL
Free-for-all public commons quickly get dominated by abuse https://t.co/9cjHsLTqqy
The people who give me grief for talking publicly about the utility of safe spaces are seldom the ones who are publicly open and vulnerable about their worries, doubts, concerns. A free-for-all public commons, without moderation, often quickly gets dominated by abuse and contempt
Itâs difficult to know in advance who will turn out to be abusive, because smart abusers are manipulative and scheming https://t.co/ljDsZSjCbb
Why do they care who the fragile dudes are? Fragile dudes are potentially dangerous. Theyâre the ones who get contemptuous, who abuse and attack. It is perfectly sensible for women to be wary of fragile dudes. #NotAllMen, sure, but you canât tell in advance whoâll murder you
We often praise people for tolerating abuse but criticise them when they speak up against it https://t.co/CsIW5PyOs7
@Nouronal I've corroborated similar stories with minority friends and women friends â there's this ideal of us being all cool and zen and being able to just sidestep abuse. But then what is being done to stop the abuse? The moment we speak up, we're "too sensitive". THE GAME IS RIGGED
Tough balancing act: you donât want to encourage victims of abuse to make their victimhood the centerpiece of their identity, but you donât want to trivialize and dismiss the abuse either https://t.co/xLSHNrB3fN
@priya_ebooks yup. people don't know how to deal with boys/men saying "X happened to me", and are exceedingly quick to respond with some sort of laugh track or equivalent â almost seems to me sometimes like they actually think they're doing boys a favor by trivializing the abuse
Abusers seek out untrustworthy targets because theyâre likelier to get away with it; ie ânobodyâs gonna believe youâ https://t.co/l74AyOnRZW
@sonyaellenmann @AnkurRSharma @vgr I don't have an informed opinion on this person's trustworthiness... funnily(?), you (who I trust) saying they're not trustworthy actually reinforces my (provisional) belief that she's likely receiving abuse, because abusers seek out untrustworthy targets
Abuse is a cycle https://t.co/Kqs7kMOpGJ
Many men are constantly roleplaying, trying to be manly enough to escape abuse. Part of this roleplay entails abusing others. (Think of gang initiations, where newbies are expected/coerced to rob, hurt, kill, etc. Seems extreme, but this is the model of manhood for many men)
Lots of abusive people use âI lost controlâ or âI wasnât thinkingâ as a defence, yet have lines they wonât cross (revealing an internal system of beliefs about justified degrees of abuse) https://t.co/0gCoPVIVRO
@Armonah_ @priya_ebooks There's a quote I think about a lot: how domestic abusers say "they weren't thinking", but typically have some line they won't cross (which demonstrates they mostly have an internalized system of what's an acceptable level of abuse to inflict on their partners)
Calling out abuse is costly https://t.co/3hyxIaADwH
Many people live their entire lives without this https://t.co/EExFBAgFCX
"your duty as someone further along will always be to productively process the pain forged by others, for you must own the hefty responsibility of one who nurtures an empathetic perspective on the viral nature of trauma itself" https://t.co/FX0OweOv7c
when you apologize, the focus should be on the person you hurt https://t.co/T6RjxaDPqA
29. Leaving an abusive relationship can be fatal https://t.co/h4gNiUPKD5
30. Honest emotional introspection https://t.co/xuaz88Q70j
31. public declarations https://t.co/bbXeHtw6Nf
33. people-pleasers and the fawn response https://t.co/IfkazZDiXj