🧵 View Thread
🧵 Thread (32 tweets)
Many men grow up in Menworld, where you get bullied, mocked, beaten, threatened, etc for all sorts of minor transgressions (being too emotional, being wrong, etc). To those guys, those seem to be the rules of life; how the world works. The powerful take from the weak, etc
Many men are constantly roleplaying, trying to be manly enough to escape abuse. Part of this roleplay entails abusing others. (Think of gang initiations, where newbies are expected/coerced to rob, hurt, kill, etc. Seems extreme, but this is the model of manhood for many men)
Now here's what I think. There IS something sincerely enriching at the heart of Manworld... but it has long been corrupted. There IS a possible healthy ideal of Manhood - I describe it as "being sensitive, smart and strong, so that you can protect and nurture others". A good King
The good Kings, if they ever existed, appear to have mostly been lost. Perhaps they sacrificed themselves and were succeeded by corrupt sons, jealous, selfish, hungry to wield power in service of wicked ends rather than to serve and nourish others. Or perhaps they never were...?
I'm sure the Good Kings of the past were problematic in their own ways (owning slaves etc). And yet. I think often of the powerful samurai, who supposedly wept openly for their opponents, who wrote poetry, contemplated nature, loved passionately. Where are our warrior-monk-poets?
While Menworld is toxic, cruel and destructive, I have another criticism. It's BORING. It's all posturing and no joy. It's watching your back 24/7. It's often defined by this constant insecurity, this fear of being hurt. Many men imprison themselves and call it fortification
Some critics of Menworld call for its complete dismantling. I respect their right to demand that. It's understandable. But I think the human impulse for hierarchy is too strong. So I'm a reformist. I believe in Good Fathers, Bosses, Leaders - I believe a renaissance is possible
Reforming Menworld requires reforming and rehabilitating people's entire worldviews. This is a daunting task; effectively an infinite game. I believe it is worthwhile - each person we flip makes the world a slightly better place. A Good Father can enrich generations
I described 4 components earlier: sensitivity, smarts, strength, and a desire to nurture others. Menworld can be defined primarily as a brutish cult of strength, with some sociopathic smarts. And fear. Sensitivity and nurturance are sadly misconstrued as weakness
And here we get to women. Women are treated cruelly in Menworld: with a bizarre mix of suspicion, fear, awe, desire, jealousy, loathing. Sensitivity and nurturance are seen as "feminine" traits (which they are), and "unmanly" ones (which they are not!) Many things going on here
I think the 1st issue is an inability to relate. Many men are so deep into the cult of Menworld, they don't know how to relate to women. For eg: consider the symbolism of the phallus. To many men, it's a sacred source of power, strength. Women live without it! Scary & suspicious
It sounds silly to say it, but I think it's true. Men would rather lose limbs than their penis. & women walk around without one to begin with!! What are their motivations?? Early Menworld psychoanalysts solipsistically assumed that women must want penises. Men still believe this
(Clarification: for the whole of this thread, when I say Men, I'm referring to the subset of straight men who live & operate in Menworld. There are exceptions, of course. #NotAllMen etc etc. Please don't derail this thread with nitpicking. I'm talking very broadly, generally)
Something that can sound weird or counterintuitive: fear is really the dominant emotion at the heart of Menworld. It's unmanly to acknowledge this, so it's expressed as anger, greed, violence. The world (incl women) is scary, and so everything must be conquered, dominated
What's funny-tragic is - the petty tyrants are often insecure. They often do want to be loved. (This is something you'll often hear from abused partners - he's a good guy really, he just loses his temper...). But it isn't the job of an abused family to rehabilitate the abuser
Cool to see that @garyvee is with me on this: https://t.co/yu3NzmrRZg
Yeah I think this is correct: https://t.co/GzwpyR8udI
This whole thread too https://t.co/ELizRRvxUO
A common yet revealing phenomenon https://t.co/aCINXwFnE0
Many men are indoctrinated to believe women exist FOR men. Many movies and TV shows written by men perpetuate this, in both overt and subtle ways https://t.co/ZR3CHGy24h
What's happening here? This is relatively benign, but it's the tip of an iceberg that is obsessed with acquiring sex from women (since you're not a man if you can't get it) + simultaneously vengeful towards women for "withholding sex". Disastrous cocktail of loathing & neediness
When you approach sex with such intense neediness, with the belief that you aren't a man without it - it transmogrifies sex from a shared, intimate exploration of mutual desire, into an act of conquest. This blinds men to the needs/wants of their partners https://t.co/2opa8cemOn
Yes. Also, fantastic thread all the way through https://t.co/SJ0tiTibRL
Another good thread https://t.co/vLNxmh2ytt
Hakas https://t.co/XsvVmmd8AK
"Domestic disputes" https://t.co/BIEa8mhmIl
"Lovesick" https://t.co/TyB8ZSeamO
Incels https://t.co/ZgFKYJy1tu
more connection will not solve the problem of toxic expectations https://t.co/DS51PRv9t0
@MoPanda_ @lacuchina @LyannaSpearwife @LisaHardySF @migenteyoga @thedailybeast a man's lowest depravity doesn't come from unrequited love, but from his selfish, entitled beliefs about how he ought to respond to unrequited love. millions of people have learned to deal with heartache w/o being violent & hurtful towards others. more connection won't fix this
Example of instance where men are subtly discouraged from expressing doubt, feelings of pressure https://t.co/3yfh4SsB2z
A quick note: It's true that women and girls are subject to all sorts of pressures, expectations, cruelty, abuse, harassment, etc – I'm not dismissing any of that. It's just also true that being a man can also be hard, in its own way – and dudes don't know how to talk about this https://t.co/wiwfyBNijq