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in saying this, i know i can be cynical about myself. i can say things like "wow it's little funny i thought of myself and my feelings as a to-do list to finish" "wow i think of myself as some project whose damage to "finish off" before presenting to others" https://t.co/dde1gCncN6
the "wow" feels like getting ahead of the bullies i anticipate in my mind and saying "look haha i know whatâs wrong with me, [so please donât hurt me]" https://t.co/9HEOb0KoVd
but the feeling of overwhelm [about all my other feelings] is real. it itself isnât about the future. itâs about present moment feeling about my relationship with the present the way im trying to gather myself up and tie it into neat ends. that is a tough task! https://t.co/TTpl9oDfqf
@pangea_dove overwhelm is a sign to hang out with the child. it's a present moment feeling about the present moment. it's saying "there's something even more important than getting started on any one of these tasks. it's my relationship with all of them"
it feels like a like teaching 5yos at a preschool. not getting involved or bought into their drama. but just being around to help them with whatever it is theyâre trying to do or thatâs bothering them as it comes up
and thatâs just sort of it. with 5yos, it feels obvious i donât need to - track every single outburst and feeling they have - take meticulous note - "resolve it with them", before moving forward instead thereâs a much more dynamic process of just hanging out with somebody
maybe thatâs what "relational way of being" means. in the gut. less in the mind-space of being stuck about a problem. noticing and responding and staying alive to how our bodies are responding to things in the present moment
anyway, a lot of my own problems do feel threatening and do feel like the end of the world. i suppose thatâs why itâs so easy to go into shock "try to solve the problem đŻđ°đ¸" mode https://t.co/abjUdqfEhm
in the stuck, "trauma time" of things, these are infinite, eternal problems, i am stuck inside, that i need to use my infinite introspection to solve https://t.co/49fthMrYre
in the slow time of motherly attention, these are passing, yet deep waves, of emotion. i notice as each one comes, and goes https://t.co/W5TZYw1cKw
in slow, fruit tree time, these are the problems of of a decade. my life. theyâve been around a while. each fall, a bit wiser. in some years and rains, i am healthier, some years, unhealthier https://t.co/z1GIpWqvXM
one of my theories on an origin of adhd is there are long-timescale embodied cycles and adhd is lack of intimacy / coregulation / attachment with those. personal example: phones are so quick and immediate. meanwhile, plants grow at plant speed. fruit trees take decades
in slow, primordial "kairos time" of things, there is all but one great movement of everything. just a sound. a hum https://t.co/rdtQz1WvXf
i can't express it, but it's such a joy to have the hum of a body. bodies are always humming, every moment, brimming with a hum. in the quieter moments i feel my heart beat. it's a hug from the inside no other experience will ever match https://t.co/e86UdKrps0
i never got to post the original quote that prompted much of this thread. ive been thinking about this line a lot >so i think the better metaphor is a sailboat https://t.co/LzLFATZ7QZ
