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i listened to my mom share about the passing of her mother, a story she'd repeated (some might say "bitched and moaned about") for decades. and hasnt really mentioned to me since this conversation https://t.co/UPzl6RURr8
Absolute massive W, asked my mom to share about the passing of her mother, which I know was incredibly painful, but I’ve never actually listened to (always brushing it off because lots of reasons). I listened, I connected to her feelings and needs, we shared tears and embraced.
monumental conversation - she meets me in a way i didnt think possible (not speaking til im done), validates my fear of escalation, fear of invalidation, her jumping from topic to topic being hard to follow, heard her out https://t.co/3AWklctFKh
BIG W ALERT: JUST SHARED WITH MY MOM THAT I HAVE FEARS SHARING STUFF WITH HER, SHE RESPONDED TO THEM. SHE THEN LISTENED WITHOUT INTERRUPTING AS I SHARED ABOUT HOW DIFFICULT IT IS FOR ME TO FEEL LOVE TOWARDS/FROM HER, AND ABOUT HOW MUCH WORK IVE PUT INTO CHANGING THAT
i share my orientation towards dating after realizing she "nags" about it because she's never heard me speak to it https://t.co/7p5OEcKHdL
Mom started lecturing me in a meandering hard to follow way, first about the importance of having kids early, then the importance of being stable with a job. I tried to connect with why she was sharing (e.g. what was hard for her about having me at age 35)
my mom can respect a boundary https://t.co/lCeC8DBUPE
Today (and recently) I’ve just told her “hey I’m in the middle of something can you give me a bit of time?” And she just… says yes. Surprising to the point of disorienting, my assumption is that she’ll ignore boundaries and requests, hence the need to blow up
monumental conversation - shared my fear of my mom, slowed down to show up with SERIOUS PRESENCE, invited her to slow down https://t.co/3w4eNJ0vao
led to her taking self responsibility (!!!!) and apologizing (!!!!!) and committed to changing/growing herself (!!!!) https://t.co/K4YGA9nOpS
around this time the conversation turned. at some point she had mentioned in passing that she needed to change too, to let me know if she was feeling disrespected, that it shouldn't all be on me. i thanked her for saying that. huge. i felt serious relief and gratitude
i listen to my mom share about the passing of my dads dad, a story she's told (some might say "bitched and moaned about") for decades. i get the closest ive been able to get to understanding why respect is so important to her. she still tells it :/ https://t.co/PY6jOQ5TPf
i go (too) deep and share about a part that doesn't believe in her care for me. it was above my pay grade and led to pain for both of us. good news is that it led us to seeing our therapist, which we leveraged to massive effect, and eventually got resolved https://t.co/SlKBc1pc9A
for the last decade, i felt responsible for my mom's life, given her depressive history and suicidal thoughts. in this momentous conversation (facilitated by therapist) she affirms that her life is her responsibility, not mine https://t.co/GHs2JqKePX
for most of my life ive struggled to be too loving towards my dad out of fear of my moms jealousy. in this conversation we get on the same page, she wants me to love my dad, and she recognizes that if she feels some way about it, it's her responsibility https://t.co/w3180zLBJU
she occasionally expressed appreciation for how much effort i've put into our relationship. it made me cry basically every time https://t.co/7cXoQkSljp
monumental conversation where we unpack what i consider our formative family dynamic, which is the root of the part of me that didnt believe that she cared about me. my moms no narcissist, she fucking cares https://t.co/hZc1GdgDrP
Today I finally remembered and named what I think are the core memories from which our difficulties arose - many times as a child, we would disagree, she would yell, I would go to my room and cry/stew in anger. My dad would come and console me
i share with my parents my illegible job/work situation, to which they're actually super respectful and listen to me, even if they dont personally resonate https://t.co/M4hoF16elR
the conversation was actually really valuable too. the conversation prior to it was my mom doing the lecturing thing about "you gotta settle down and have work and stuff". i realized that ive never told her my plans, just as i hadnt with dating https://t.co/7p5OEcKHdL
monumental exchange, which is really just a text, from which i have a life changing internal shift that "i am whole, i am loveable" https://t.co/SXK8deqKqB
to arrive here was actually a journey, where this was the beginning https://t.co/Bv4Rzx8BWf
i go (too) deep and share about a part that doesn't believe in her care for me. it was above my pay grade and led to pain for both of us. good news is that it led us to seeing our therapist, which we leveraged to massive effect, and eventually got resolved https://t.co/SlKBc1pc9A
eventually clarified internally that it wasn about doubting her love but doubting her care, that she gave a shit what i wanted or thought https://t.co/zKDfvPxHzH
which is why this conversation facilitated by the therapist blew my brains out, where my mom shared about all the people she was trying to please, particularly in the family context. i was like "wtf???" https://t.co/Po3zKnvvXC
started noticing more subtlety around why my mom's explaining was so activating for me https://t.co/jptjxbe029
which brings us to this conversation in which i realize that she cared! she tried to do her best! https://t.co/uyTEIcoybR
her explaining landed poorly in me but was actually her trying to give me what she had always wanted when she was growing up "why are things happening", rather than just being told what to do https://t.co/nITmc7ECGa
wrangled with these kind of thoughts/considerations since around age 20 https://t.co/ITw1XUY12b