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there’s living in the desolation of the self, and living in the whatever-the-fuck it feels like to walk happily on the beach and with an old friend and her boyfriend, walk alone, walk after my singing lesson, walk without this social anxiety https://t.co/lMVHGpZX1A
it feels like how i imagine people describe “alcoholic buzz” or other substances. but it’s just sort of sober and about nothing. i feel my body all the time. well, idk. more like it feels itself it’s like my body has a constant hum i can live in. it has its yes and no
i feel compassionately about whatever my body feels. i don’t instinctively question it. i mean, i can reflect on it, but it doesn't feel different from me it feels like a kid wanting an ice cream flavour. i don’t question why he wants chocolate or vanilla, but i can ponder it
if i need to https://t.co/Z5qSFTDAQi
my body is engaged, it is warm, it is happy, complex thoughts have a cost, but feel possible, i can do complex work, but it feels like moving from body buzz to complex work rather then living in the Desolate Land of Fear All The Time
this feels like how i imagine and have seen kids go up to kindergarten teachers or their parents and ask “am i going to be be ok?” and they patiently help the kid work it out, because they are not overwhelmed by the question