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for the last four days, i have been collapsing onto bed “for five minutes” without brushing my teeth this is.. fine? i won’t die? if it goes on 8 days i can do something about it, but a week of not night-brushing my teeth is 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦 i don’t need to intervene so quickly
ah yes hello https://t.co/MZqUW1Qv0g
parents would always intervene so 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘭𝘺. like damn—let the consequences happen spending time w friends like @blapchat @jessicamalonso etc who can just tolerate doing things a certain way, and then decide? “ah yes i notice through observation you don’t die in a day”
a lot of what childhood trauma will do is make you do this 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 thing always forecasting. what’s the next way this conversation could go? could they be disgusted? how do i stop that now? hypervigilance. high reactivity. planning things out
>I just keep forgetting how gentle the world can be https://t.co/Z5f9h9hnhb https://t.co/zw9ZvW5SVH
Patrick Teahan talks a bit about this forecasting thing this video is about the scapegoated child, but it can also come from things like codependency (like in my case) https://t.co/yzW5yaN2Nn https://t.co/em2aY4Tl43
the thing is boundaries are dynamic around sensible people, and forecasting for those threats (punishment, contempt, abandonment) and trying to get ahead of them isn’t a pleasant experience for anyone, or the way it has to be https://t.co/4nVUEMJRb0
it’s actually inappropriate to use the same freeze STOP reaction you would have to stop walking onto a busy road with cars for like… getting yourself to brush your teeth https://t.co/Zn9BYLNFmi
shame has a function. it has many functions. one of them is to STOP people from doing something. you STOP the kid from poking her sister’s eyes out. you STOP the kid from running out on the road, or doing sth inappropriate but in healthy shame, shame is always followed by repair
it’s bringing the intensity of the world down. the massive amounts of inner conflict infrastructure that went into making the basics work https://t.co/nulnnscgxS
> not being sure if I should I think this is really indicative of something. What’s going on when I’m lying down in the bed is two very, very fucking strong shoulds grinding against each other: 1. I should go get the waterbottle, this is the sensible thing to do. https://t.co/g78m8sy6gw
i wasn’t really scapegoated as a kid, but i was part of a very codependent, very fearful family system. my parents would manage me like i was a tiny part of their organism. and their adult-grade fear or “STOP!” would hit like a brick for the tiniest thing
there was zero calibration, or zero connection to my own tuning https://t.co/UY500bnidJ
im not really interested in blaming them, they did a largely good job etc. im just interested in getting better. and the main thing that helps me is holding two opposing things at once in my my brian it makes some deep part of my brain go “oh, it didn’t have to be these way” https://t.co/cXcH1xdiwN
>The point is NOT to change my behavior directly, or even to shift my state, but only to make cognitively available what I care about, in moments when I might have forgotten it. https://t.co/Iy3UDPaxV2
“stayed up too late? ok…? nbd?” “how much salt to put in? idk it doesn’t have to be this intense thing?” https://t.co/0jNjLbLcMm