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Gosh, my trauma response to hurting people is really bad huh. This isn't good spiral. Every time I do it my heart races. Probably self reinforcing? https://t.co/ftqamwUs03
Need to find some way of reframing this to something wholesome but non destructive. Slight panic when I harm someone isn't healthy.So far this mental imagery as helped.https://t.co/n0jGf8mCbk
Being sad that I hurt someone is fine.Being afraid when I do it? That's probably built up emotional baggage from living w/ someone diagnosed with borderline personality disorder for so long.Worry about losing my memory when it happens isn't helping.https://t.co/wDqsVPwR74
I know I struggle with this. I was hoping it would be going away like all my other fear responses. But it seems to still be sticking around.I don't seem to get social anxiety any more, but the response to causing pain still lingers. https://t.co/8bbEOjLqwH
So that weird visual thing tied to Hyperthymesia where I was seeing flashes of people being angry with me in the past is still there. I just get the other emotions now too.https://t.co/Gv2w4U8QKv
The experience of this fear response is exactly the same as all the phobias I used to have. And I've now confirmed that I don't have those anymore. (I pet a house centipede! https://t.co/bp0p6Ghf0R
The fight or flight response (anger/afraid) feels the same and all my biological signs are the same. The muscles tensing and the stomach clenching. Even the heart rate raising matches as all the other fears I had. But this one lingers?https://t.co/9SNGYrl4lu
The question I now have is: does this represent an underlying issue in my amygdala? Someone in a CPTSD thread shared this study about enlarged amygdala in autistic infants. https://t.co/aqKN42JRd7 Which matches my own findings. https://t.co/j14QWesw5R
I don't actually get the fear response from faces anymore looking at people in real life, but maybe the ones in my brain are still anchored anxiety to watching my mom suffer with her own PTSD? They would be pretty entrenched.https://t.co/wAmXErFkOb
I was hoping that it would go away, but thinking about it more deeply, there is no reason to expect that part of my brain to reform itself unless I am actively dealing with it, enhanced plasticity or not.https://t.co/pFKhOWLVGn
@simpolism TL;DR: dunbar's assumption was the brain is static. Group size IS predictive of brain size, but its a point-in-time measure and ignores aspects of plasticity.Theoretically we may be able to find drugs change amygdala & restructure it. *cough* LSD *cough* https://t.co/CEFZEWROL3
I'm able to calm down a lot faster now than I was before when this happened into he past, so that is nice. Might go away on it's own if I just keep trying. But I'd like to get it done faster.Worrying about blowing up if I'm triggered by it isn't fun.https://t.co/5LQ24EdpIh
@MenanderSoter @msutherl @nosilverv @yashkaf @mechanicalmonk1 @natural_hazard Yeah, I suspect it's why I can pet bees and let spiders crawl on me. I had 30 years of an insect phobia (aside from ants) due a truama + conditioning from my mom.https://t.co/tSyNPSzk7mTho I ended up finding this by accident thru exploring serotonin synthesis via gut bacteria.
My phobia of spiders and insects was also partly driven by some weird visual hallucinations I was getting. I also have had the issue with my mom for a few years longer than this weird phenomena. https://t.co/TlFR49OCym
I have entomophobia and am at risk for Morgellons / Ekbom's Syndrome (Delusional parasitosis). I struggled a lot as a child with an intense insect phobia that was amplified by acute attention to detail that let me see real ones better than other people.https://t.co/tPj6zKpekw
The thread I'm writing here was instigated by a poor interaction in a reply to this thread. There's some strange feedback I get sometimes where some else's CPTSD related triggers and adjacent trauma plays into my own triggers. https://t.co/ps0evDepWv
My mom has been given diagnoses for all three of the differential diagnoses typically seen for CPTSD. Borderline is a common one given to women. I think there's something weird going on there. https://t.co/TSrCbkJZez https://t.co/C6lgt07J3N
Part of why I know so much about trauma/anxiety is that is actually what my mom is on disability for.Not her fibromyalgia or the time she couldn't walk (that I think is Multiple Sclerosis), but for PTSD. https://t.co/Wd7G3kv8M0
Looking back with my knowledge I have now, my mom has near textbook Relapsing Remitting Multiple Sclerosis. She was having mood control problems, depression, unexplained pains, fatigue and physical difficulties. Quite literally was wheelchair bound for a while. Memory problems...
Basically any symptom she had that I can't explain away by psychosocial trauma or autism, it's probably RRMS.https://t.co/Wd7G3kv8M0
To the point where I can take a random thing she has had that I got, one that I've never looked up before and find example of it as being a pretty common M.S. symptom.One time my mom's hip pain was so bad she was taking opioids. It was this! https://t.co/hRQ0FdGAdv
I can't sit in this car seat during an M.S. flair up.Had to move back to my old chair that I I could tilt to make sure my hips are aligned.In other news, google translates "Sciatica" to "pinched nerve" and I learned of another celeb with M.S. https://t.co/L3bGRzJJMC
I have a hunch on what might be going on here. Hopefully with CPTSD being a formal diagnosis we can get people to take a look at why it's such a common autism comorbid and explore how brain plasticity may be related.https://t.co/OlUcczwNxJ
@re_kin_dled I'd like to know if CPTSD in autism is partly driven by gut bacteria impacting mTOR related pathways thus challenging brain plasticity & locking in trauma responses due to something akin to autism's rigidity in thinking but applied to behavior.https://t.co/yaQvr6ESwm
For my own interests, there's a extensive links between trauma and gut bacteria in the literature. This is something I've obsessed over largely because I think it's really important overlooked factor.https://t.co/o3kQdf1dZa
@nosilverv @yashkaf @msutherl @MechanicalMonk1 @natural_hazard Telling someone they just have to, "like let go of trauma, man" is really funny.Did you know Ayahuasca impacts gut bacteria and many of the "trauma reducing" psychedelic's directly impact mTORC1 related pathways directly tied to metabolic functioning and lipids?
There's a lot of "overlooked factors" in this space. I can't shake the idea that 'borderline personality disorder' is actually just autism + trauma in women.This whole space is frustrating to everyone involved as far as I can tell. its really sad.https://t.co/nin0aM1zOV
Remember, future me.https://t.co/TByPpnWDJJ
Ok, last time I had this effect was because someone was sea-lioning / word searching to police language.This time it was because there was emotional engagement bait in timeline. Things that are in "Home" mode are likely to get others to comment/ are more risky to engage on. https://t.co/YGOAFCcIFE
