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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• about 3 years ago

so i used to judge my friends/people a lot. just neurotically worry the shit about being “cool enough”, hanging out with cooler people one of the effects was it made me very judgy of people https://t.co/ELVtKmU0YO

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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 3 years ago

i used to worry about hanging with low-status people i didn't realise how neurotic it made me

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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• about 3 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

say im meeting new people at a picnic. instantly judging if someone is “more” or “less cool”

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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• about 3 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

i can’t begin to describe how infantile this feels now, how much of a felt shift it was, and how non-trivial like it tooooootally wasn’t obvious what needed to happen

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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• about 3 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

what’s shifted is— instead of being at a party and trying to impress other people and fundamentally thinking i am unworthy somehow or i have to “trick” people into interacting with me

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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• about 3 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

like i didn’t even *explicitly hate myself that much*. i just thought it was my job to do this. to please. like that’s how human interaction works https://t.co/NtXJhvRM5u

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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 3 years ago

i thought my job was to provide this perfect interface to people, else they would leave me https://t.co/K8Ji8B79K3

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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• about 3 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

it totally is a little bit, but not entirely there’s also just being yourself, and letting other people decide-hey, that’s cool

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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• about 3 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

i just don’t think i had the felt experience of anyone doing that ever for the first 14 years of my life? understandable that i didn’t think of that at all

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7/6/2022
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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• about 3 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

the keyword here— > there’s also just being yourself, and letting other people decide hey, that’s cool *letting* other people *letting*

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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• about 3 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

it’s like i remembered to model my agency, but i forgot to model others’

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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• about 3 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

bit more on what this feels like https://t.co/8XC4HYjZCg

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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• about 3 years ago

so i had an implicit model that i had to *make* people like me didn’t realise you can *let them* https://t.co/6JZIkpYPNq

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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• about 3 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

(adopting this reply that got orphaned from the thread) https://t.co/LwLRt6VDwu

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