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🧵 Thread (14 tweets)

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 3 years ago

a lot of the ways people try to reassure me make me more anxious ☠️

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3/31/2022

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 3 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

“i don’t want you to just reassure me. that doesn’t make me fucking feel safe.” https://t.co/LSrvd3Ne92

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 3 years ago

interestingly, it’s *still about your feeling in the present* (the peace). but it’s just about understanding it on a deeper level “i don’t want you to just reassure me. that doesn’t make me fucking feel safe.” “i want a plan to make sure this doesn’t happen again”

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3/31/2022

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 3 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

“i learned early on weakness will not be loved, and so now you are making me feel weak”

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3/31/2022

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 3 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

what do i need? i need something more like: i need to know that you are okay. that you are okay with me not being okay

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3/31/2022

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 3 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

or else i WILL hide any and all emotion from you https://t.co/Y2HFyjOuZt

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3/31/2022

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 3 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

“i don’t want you to need me to be ok, because then i will feel fake ok, and even more estranged from the thing i even temporarily allowed myself to feel”

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3/31/2022

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 3 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

to have even ONE (1) friend who makes you feel like you can truly explore, and it can be for realsies, and they are ok even if you are not ok is a gift

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3/31/2022

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 3 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

where does this come from-fear of abandonment, duh https://t.co/wFAo6MyAxB

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

Something @jessicamalonso used to say: “If you can explain something with abandonment trauma, you can stop.” Similar to something @mattgoldenberg and many others [including myself] go through: https://t.co/i3RlJ03t4g

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3/31/2022

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 3 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

when i imagine the ideal response, it’s something more like, “hey. i see you’re anxious/stressed. and that’s ok with me! you can literally continue to hang out like that. it’s kind of your problem, more than mine. i’m ok, even if you’re not ok”

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3/31/2022

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 3 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

somehow gives me more space i know their curiosity is not invasive they don’t “need” me to be ok. https://t.co/KcmB0scKO9

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 3 years ago

“invasive curiosity” as a thing that exists when you don’t want people to ask “how you are.” you don’t trust then. you don’t trust their response

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3/31/2022

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 3 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

makes me feel ok. trust i just need them to be ok. then i can discover being ok

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3/31/2022

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 3 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

i’m too stressed about “incurring” their service somehow, if they’re checking in on me. like they’ll give up on me. i don’t truly feel secure. it either feels invasive, or it feels like i need to get back up to “happy unproblematic yatharth” asap else they’ll leave me

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3/31/2022

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 3 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

i thought my job was to provide this perfect interface to people, else they would leave me https://t.co/K8Ji8B79K3

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 3 years ago

i thought my job was to provide this perfect interface to other people https://t.co/gfTHHypVeD

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3/31/2022

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 3 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

because what did it mean to really care? -i didn't know

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3/31/2022