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a thing I don't hear people talk much about is the "withdrawal" when you try to stop being a dick to yourself (and others). it doesn't immediately get substituted with love & light; there's an emptiness in the transition. which IMO is part of why the transition isn't more common
it's been long enough now that it doesn't jump to mind straight away, but I can reinhabit the memory of it vividly because I documented it. I remember there was a coldness when I unfollowed everyone, left all my groupchats, walked away from everything https://t.co/mREZSxrx4b
which itself is kind of cool to report on – one can really get to a place where you don't even really remember what it's like. a lot of cigarette smokers struggle with quitting in part because they worry they'll always be thinking about a cigarette, fantasizing about it, etc
@visakanv IME the emptiness manifests as a sort of numbnessbut upon closer inspection, it's probably a defense mechanism for the felt anxiety that my anger is going to subconsciously leak out of any interactionstill feel like this, tbh