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A lot of my quest for autonomy boils down to: What I need to do vs What I get to do https://t.co/rNUTAZ1krA
What I need to do - the only thing possible is to fail - don’t wanna, just hanging on - even when it’s great, it’s not that good What I get to do - the only thing possible is winning - starting from the Sphere of the Present - even when it’s not good, it’s great
What I need to do is driven by expectations. Like getting a 100 on a test. I can get less than that. I’m always worried about getting less than that. Even when I do get a 100, it’s really more just relief than pleasure. https://t.co/yHu9KTusHG
> Sounds very much like the game of the devil Yah. When I’m playing the game of the devil, there is no happy; not really. The best is something more like: just being relieved. Temporarily, of the pressure. That’s what I thought happiness was for a while https://t.co/y0baTX4N1a
I never really experience anything from a baser place. It’s all filtered though the cognitive mind. “even when it’s great, it’s not that good” https://t.co/MPkIzkUwRN
It’s because of this that the Worrying Mind never actually is able to *experience* anything. A wonderful party, a wonderful summer, they’re both filtered, through many layers of symbols, and it’s kinda nice—“ayy, we had a party!”—but there’s never the sense of real delight. https://t.co/omCXAaBti1
it’s not fun—it’s dramatic https://t.co/h5Tc0qbnSQ
“Huh. Being a good person is something I get to do.” It’s a completely different way of being. https://t.co/cLCoxnqJUf
It means temporarily dropping all references. And that’s scary to the people trying to control you. And therefore to me, because those people had become a part of me. But it’s also 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨. https://t.co/ev4RXJ6SWr
From the perspective of the playing-to-not-lose mind, I still want to be assured of something. From the perspective of the playing-to-win mind, it doesn’t have a concept of reference levels at all. https://t.co/Wh5lXe5Y5n
It means stumbling towards a different life. The first couple attempts at it are cringe and not the final product. https://t.co/oSRgZ0oRRs
It’s starting from a point of emptiness or referenceless in each moment. Things just are. https://t.co/9XEIGQqxza
“It’s continuing to live to avoid an existential wrong rather than to live for an existential right.” https://t.co/JWpZJvgEzs
“even when it’s not good, it’s great” because it’s coming from emptiness has its own joys and grief and tribulations but there’s a sort of ground and an inability to see the charnel ground as the pure land too https://t.co/E3s32AIx6h
going back to playing the game to not lose i think one has to just lose, at least in one’s head https://t.co/MJ3dstMA2x
maybe just by imagining through losing and integrating the loss of that and with that loss integrated, maybe being able to step forward from it https://t.co/i505ZpbOzR
To murder the future: Imagine all possible futures. Imagine the one you must accomplish. Project forward your default–probably future in the next 15 minutes, two hours, the whole day. Where you’ll be next month, in six months, 3 years from now. You almost surely have a guess.