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actually thinking on it more I am probably weirdly/unusually well-adapted to “how do you broadcast a lot of your inner self online without getting pwned” and there’s probably stuff I take for granted as obvious that would be very useful for some people to hear
my first rec is, if you have more than ~5,000 followers on main, get a locked private alt for your most trusted mutuals. you can use it to quote tweet any of your tweets and ask “hey, did I go too far with this one?” you can also post more intimate/touchy stuff there
before posting a tweet I broadly recommend running it thru a sort of quick adversarial filter: what’s the worst interpretation someone could have of this? you don’t necessarily ~always~ wanna do this all the time, but it’s a skill worth developing https://t.co/t5hzNDLkpl
some casual reminders on how to avoid being main character'd, if you wish to avoid it 1. avoid putting your contentious thought in the first tweet 2. separate the contentious thought itself across two tweets IMO this will reduce the severity by about 80%
avoid affectations of authority. remember, Twitter does not have tone of voice or facial/body language, so people will read your tweets in *their* voice it helps to introduce the textual equivalents of ums and ahs,,, be deliberately sloppy,, even mispelling sometiems https://t.co/GGRXf4rKeE
if you've noticed, part of how I avoided AoA in this thread itself is to walk you through the sketchy process of me thinking out loud to figure out what I think I do not want to create the false illusion that I know exactly what I'm talking about. i don't. i'm figuring it out
generally speaking you wanna learn the skills of diffusion and deescalation. it can seem like a lot of work, and… well, it is, but I’ve learned from experience that it spares you a lot of grief as your audience gets larger https://t.co/J0g2yF0s1V
I’ve said a few times that being extremely online can be a psychological extreme sport things you say can trigger people to say things that in turn trigger trauma responses in you some people lean into this as a form of self-harm you wanna be mindful/aware of this pattern
generally speaking, the more touchy, difficult, triggering etc the thought might be, the more I advise that you be really circuitous about it. be long-winded, take many tweets, be verbose, be tedious, illegible. you want to bore the people who are itching for a fight
if you get triggered, feel attacked, defensive, want to fight back, etc, it’s generally best to just log out for a day or three, or a week. Most people who say shit just wanna say shit in the moment but don’t really care about you and will forget about you soon enough
I try pretty hard to avoid talking about things that implicate other people I don’t mind stuff about me circulating, being screenshot and reposted etc, but my family for eg didn’t sign up for that also more broadly I try not to be cruel or mean to people 99% of the time https://t.co/nXUpHEnBBk
the thing to figure out is, what’s my story to tell, and what isn’t? I try to respect other people’s stories and not speak on their behalf, not share details that they might not be comfortable having shared. a lot of nuance here, it’s about sensitivity and tact https://t.co/HqhIGXT9IW
I can’t get into too much detail- this is mostly her story to tell- but again, what should’ve been a joyful experience for us was regularly bombarded with the hellish projections of other people. Our love was real, but every damn aunty had to judge us https://t.co/QIGqbSNbB3
(once you demonstrate that you’re someone who is respectful of other people’s boundaries, and that you will honor their secrets and their stories, people start opening up to you about all sorts of wild, crazy shit. This is a life-changing before/after transition. Different world)
it’s probably not too bad an oversimplification to say that if you make a conscientious effort to always be thoughtful, sensitive and kind, then you’ll basically be fine. The challenge is to be humane while people try to goad you into drama. Extreme sport https://t.co/8qCNhLmbQ1
also sometimes there’s just no avoiding that you will get your ass kicked for making mistakes and the challenge is to accept it as graciously as you can cool thing is, while it’s painful as heck, good people recognize when you’re being gracious and will value you more for it https://t.co/Djg6VIND1W
Visa’s rules for life [draft] 1. recognise when u get ur ass kicked, & accept it with grace 2. if u *have* to kick someone’s ass, be swift, don’t be a dick about it 3. if u can save an innocent ass from being kicked, do so 4. remember, life kicks everybody’s ass in the end https://t.co/Um8cpgnREB
also yeah: disregard the follower count as a measure of self-worth or meaning or anything like that. instead focus your time and attention on the people you respect and admire. there are like a dozen people here whose opinions I’d trust/value over 30,000 other people
try to periodically switch up your posting style so you don’t get pigeonholed into playing a tediously predictable role for a tediously predictable “target audience” try to surprise and entertain yourself and seek genuine novelty https://t.co/YsF6RSbOCA
Sermonposting without shitposting gets you pedestalized, which is dehumanizing Shitpost too much and nobody takes you seriously, which is also kind of dehumanizing You can nerdpost forever quite happily, but it can be a lonely and frustrating experience The flow is the point https://t.co/HYsXv2Bhpc
have some stuff going on in your life that you care about that has nothing to do with Internet points. play the guitar, learn to cook. It’s nice to have at least one thing that’s just for you that you refuse to turn into content
if you use quote tweets primarily to celebrate and uplift people you like, this leads to a positive spiral of good things happening https://t.co/tFaWtEZM1p
if you’re drawn into a disagreement, generally the smart thing to do is to try and ask genuine questions. sometimes people warm up and you can even become friends. if they’re hostile about it you can graciously just stop replying and move on https://t.co/p3FcArCgRF
if people are being dickish or abusive to other people in your mentions, block them. Think of it as asking them to leave your house. It’s worth it to create a warm and pleasant environment for everyone else who knows how to play nice
I guess I’ll close with: try to be an account you respect. If you respect yourself, everything else tends to fall into place. If you don’t respect yourself things can get very ugly bc your internal conflicts will play out viciously with other people (this isn’t just abt twitter) https://t.co/R7hqDvWkTL
If I may, I would say that in my experience, “happiness” is a function of - earning your own self-respect - living in accordance with your values - building relationships with people you respect - doing work you enjoy and believe in - bring playful and curious and kind
redteaming https://t.co/wJLh91fTw6
there's a kind of literacy that doesn't get talked about much, and it's something like running a "how will this be misinterpreted negatively" filter over your writing while you do it. has to be a more succinct way of putting this. antagonist literacy? defensive literacy? 🤔
@visakanv Something I visualize in these situations - This person is taking a sledgehammer to a hopelessly flawed sculpture of me that they hurriedly formed, and then gesturing toward the rubble as though to invite me to fix it. Surely I can allow myself to decline the work.