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if you obsess about the game at the expense of your health, this eventually disrupts your ability to further obsess about the game. this is short-term unsustainable shit-giving. zoom out, see the bigger picture, play the long game https://t.co/zgEHsCFcP8
@Saurya how I currently frame it is, if you're obsessive about X to the detriment of your health, well-being, relationships, etc (let's call this Y), perhaps the mistake is that you're not giving enough of a shit about Y sloppiness with Y eventually interferes with your ability to X
lately I've been trying to work through my feelings about how, I have a tendency to have uncharitable feelings in my heart towards people who I witness being unstrategic, doing unsustainable things. if I'm not careful, it's something that can make me snap at people and be unkind
maybe, in a beautiful, perfect world, nobody needs to be strategic, and nobody needs to be sustainable. just do whatever you feel like doing and nothing bad happens ever. and we don't need militaries and infinite bountiful resources are allocated perfectly and everyone is happy
unfortunately, we do not live in that world, I'm not sure such a world is even theoretically possible, any attempt to implement it will probably result in unforeseen negative outcomes so. we have limited resources. which necessitates strategy.
I'm talking about things like "how do I give a shit about my wife for 80 years" this is something that you have to be strategic about! you can't just count on the good feelings you had on your wedding day. you have to actively work at your relationships! https://t.co/44IvAZqxYW
The longer a relationship lasts, the likelier it is that you’ll step on each other’s toes in recognizably repetitive patterns. The longer this goes on, the more hollow of an excuse “I wasn’t thinking” becomes. It thus becomes *necessary* to become more considerate. https://t.co/pKZvA1ihWs
"visa why are you talking about marriage like it's Starcraft, that's so unromantic" no, unromantic is when your relationship fails because of preventable/avoidable errors– ack, see. this is tough. how do I talk about this without sounding mean. I don't want to hurt anybody...
I want to be careful to avoid hurting people while talking about how to avoid avoidable pain (some pain is not!) I can't lecture and preach at people into taking better care of themselves I can only take great care of myself and the people around me and demonstrate by example
gratitude for healthy conflict in a relationship is a huge "green flag", a very good sign that things will go well https://t.co/RNTFyMcJvQ
plaster this in every wedding hall everywhere https://t.co/foJfV3qcj9
if you think you care about X, I think it's worthwhile to ask yourself, "how will I commit to continue to care about X for the rest of my life?" (some people might find this scary/intimidating/overwhelming, in which case... disregard this tweet maybe, lol. and, uh, unfollow me)
to understand (not to justify), I think part of why I feel the impulse to be harsh with people who are unstrategic is that questionable-integrity promises from unstrategic actors lower the perceived integrity of *everyone's* promises but I might be overestimating this effect
and even if I am estimating the effect correctly (which I am probably not), I doubt that being harsh/unkind is a useful disincentive. I mean, it doesn't work well in any other domain, why would it work in this one? What I'd like to swap in is, kindly ask people to elaborate
I think that's probably the best approach if a person makes a questionable-integrity promise, ask them how they intend to keep it best case, they think about it, and either come up with a good answer, or work at it worst case, bad or no answer, but at least the Q was asked
stories of ppl who gave a shit https://t.co/SmHQeG8Kgr
"The unreasonable returns to caring, articulation the latest." – @patio11 https://t.co/wYMz39LuHN