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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• almost 4 years ago

“I’m scared” → “Huh, I had a thought that scared me.” instead of → “I need to do something about it 😬” https://t.co/Vj58oFxGMF

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• almost 4 years ago

And then I do something bad and now I have done it. And now, so gallantly I must debug 😔 This is allowed, but who moaning for. https://t.co/icwWC8Z9Gr

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• almost 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

that 😬 is itself a fear “I felt a negative emotion, so I must eliminate asap 😣” Or else what? “Else I’m losing.” “Else I’m not positive/likable.”

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• almost 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

“Else I’m losing.” For a long time it felt like every moment was some sort of race, and if it’s “positive,” then I’m accumulating/keeping with it, and if it’s negative, I’m failing. https://t.co/gdcCNdgrCH

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• over 4 years ago

I think I used to have an implicit model of “accumulating suffering,” like the fact I was sad was actively dropping my happy score. Realising time was fake really broke this for me.

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• almost 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

I’m falling behind in some happy score game, that then that sense of falling behind is even more depressing, and even the best possible is only ever keeping up. the race https://t.co/Ibbtub3mIp

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

i get to say no [🤯] if an opportunity presents itself, i don’t have to take it [🤯] previously, it felt like i needed to be going as fast as possible. as fast as possible, or else. i’d fall behind the race i couldn’t say no. couldn’t fall behind

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• almost 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

It sounds crazy said out loud. But it was how I lived, and related every single moment. How I lived was literally absurd. Feels like zooming out of a perspective from which I hadn’t realised how crazy it was. https://t.co/IPOp0NBC4r

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• over 4 years ago

My brain: “I’m judging every move I make 100% of the time.” No wonder it can be exhausting to be around me.

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• almost 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

“Else I’m not positive/likable.” I need to perform. Do I want to actually stop feeling the bad emotion? Maybe, but I haven’t even considered it yet. https://t.co/SOJkednlH5

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

Do I wanna stop feeling the bad feeling for other people, or for myself?

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• almost 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

It was this really naïve idea that all I must do is present the perfect interface to other people. Because . . . what else would an optimiser do? What other “sense of self” was there that I had? https://t.co/o4ndS3d4rV

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• almost 4 years ago

I think part of me thought that if I was the perfect person to other people, that would solve my problems.

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