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Having a crush can feel painful, because we feel blocked from saying everything we want to. We think about them a million times a day, and each time there’s a little 😖 “you’re thinking too much” https://t.co/SZsSBKFtdk
What’s going on? I wish I could just talk to them. Something in my mind is responding to the person of them and going off and off and this. https://t.co/EqufIQ9cpJ
Maybe it’s that they inspire our connection to beauty. To be with them is to also touch Beauty and the Divine. https://t.co/A4clZH3pmu
it makes sense to be wary from their perspective people who have really strong projections of you can be dangerous https://t.co/dan1JmOxCe
It is how you interact and respond to the world, and it too is beautiful. https://t.co/RTVQiXhQfs
The fact is—they stirred up a certain part of your psyche up to you. What was previously sleepy or dormant is now awake & stirring. You get to play with this. They woke something in you that 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴, that you get to take very seriously, as sth in you that felt important
You have to take yourself more seriously here than ever you are daring to take yourself. https://t.co/mU8T8n8rQg
When you do take yourself seriously, you come to be able to find truly honest conclusions, like this. (this screenshot has typos, because I was voice-dictating, but basically saying: . . . https://t.co/NdFFhsjAzx
This kind of realisation is barely about them—it’s about my reaction to them, and they can surely be interested in it, and find it interesting to talk to me about it, but it’s not necessary. It’s something about me that came up that needed processing.
I think I’m engaging in a kind of vajra romance here, and that sure can be dangerous—but I don’t know if I had a choice. https://t.co/3nP41CbHRn
These reactions would come up one way or the other, I could either suppress them (and lead to me feeling sad . . . and not sane) or the slightly more insane, crazy option of ~~texting the crush in my mind~~ and seeing what comes.
It’s a slightly weirder play to be kinder to both them and myself, but frankly, given how difficult it felt to live the other way, and how unskilful it did make me in my interactions with my them, it seems like something worth trying.
There’s something interesting that happens for me when I do this. Sometimes it feels like talking to a divine/conscious/kind/empathetic presence of Clarity in my mind. Sometimes it feels like reinteracting with the neuroses of my mind. https://t.co/Ckl0oAu1T2
The difference seems to be how seriously I take it that I’m talking to a secret {CRUSH} in my mind, versus sending messages that I might eventually show to them. The latter . . . the problem with the latter is I begin explaining myself. https://t.co/0wuUPnhjLx
(without the typos: “It's like I am helpless but to report the truth and to earnestly hope for you to take them with the emotional truth and sincerity that I mean them. A sincerity that cannot be malevolent. Only fiercely oriented towards connection.”) https://t.co/PpESWnANuE
Explaining ourselves begins to create problems. Because then we stop assuming people will take us the right way. and then we stop vibing in the sincere way that might let people take us the right way. https://t.co/2uVONtUpGn
We get too focused on making our explanations airtight, and legibly defensible, and then it becomes more about saving us, and neuroses, and not so much anymore about them, and connection, and earnestly speaking with them.
Maybe this is an example of me doing the “trust people to take this in the right possible way” thing. Maybe that’s a little bit of what my Twitter journalling experiment is about. It’s yet another secret place where I talk to my psyche. https://t.co/0xw2H36TsX
This is my private journal, and I don’t know why a 1000 people are reading it. Including you, my future employer. Why? What did you think you were doing to find here?? Did my thread on dating yourself help you? I’m so glad. Do you want to check out horney meditation too? https://t.co/BdI6nS6B5R
