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There’s a clear pattern. L, E, and B represent to me parts of my anima. A fierce, perceptive, dare I say 𝘫𝘶𝘥𝘨𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭 intuition. https://t.co/mzGmLIrBYY
I used to hate my anima for this. I was the happiest, most content man in the world in January before I met L. My anima found its reflection in her, and from there, I was entranced. I wanted—needed—something from her so badly. She had something I didn’t have. https://t.co/ImSQA6VJvb
I didn’t always felt real. Some days I still don’t. https://t.co/8jg4WF9Wba
I look for goodness. I talk about it a bunch. Why? https://t.co/Qc02gcFIvc
I’m stuck by this one memory, vividly. Of a breakfast table once, when I was very young, with mother and sister. Bowls of cereal, we were eating. There was this hair in mine . . . and as I dipped a spoon in, I caught it, slipped it, into my sister’s bowl, when no one could see.
“I am a terrible person,” I say. Does that feel true? It doesn’t matter. It is a belief and knowing I already have. https://t.co/EdpfpRiaRt
The Emotional TRUTH of the situation. The KNOWING of my dissonance. The ALREADY EXISTING nature of my feelings. The bringing to light the POSITION I am already in, conscious or not. The disgusting FELT EXPERIENCE of the world even if it doesn’t feel right. All these make me.
“I’m a terrible person who’s never done anything good.” I’ll repeat it because it’s a belief I have, and making it conscious makes me conscious to how it’s wrong. https://t.co/ftAyRLH207
Because I give credence to their judgment. I am proud, just like them. Unconcerned about other people’s opinion when I am in the right. So when I do give someone the power to judge me—it judges me rather strongly. https://t.co/8RaVXPHm8m
I daresay—the most powerful thing I am doing right now is psychoanalysing myself and having fun. https://t.co/krBv8Z9J2B
I feel I cannot give it to myself, because I am not pretty. I am not aesthetic like the like the pretty ones. Like the artists. https://t.co/66KxcOt8zC
That I fear their judgment is not because of the judgment; it’s because of the pain already there. My pain already exists. If I am with it . . . strange, judgment holds no sway. Judgment doesn’t create pain. Only reminds us of our own. https://t.co/XJS4MJZKtH
“Why does acceptance hurt?” Because the hurt is already there. The pain and effort of maintaining a delusion, of grasping on so tightly so that we might survive, clefting off voices in ourselves so we might not lose focus — that hurts. https://t.co/PRDI7kIlPc
Damn. So that’s how it could be. https://t.co/tPAY2esj6W
🏁 Conclusions of this thread: - It can be really good. Really good. - I feel the pain already in me around MPDGs like L and B. - That pain is already in me, and when I’m with it, then I feel I have nothing to fear, really, I see more clearly.
I didn’t know why I was continuing to treat this place like it was my private journal even though I have 1200 followers now, not 12. This is why. https://t.co/VGFtMHf1rs