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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago

Ok, I’m going to post a conversation with @HanjoYoutaku that’s majorly affecting me. Unintentional enlightenment draw.

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

henceforce enlightenment-esque = anything on path thereto There’s an optionality that comes to enlightenment-esque experiences. I can be stone-cold sober, and really get shit done. Or I an be drunk an typing away.

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

it swa never forcing. to be enlightened. it doesn’t force ne to go running in the streets yelling. but it also stops cutting off the topion to me, and I realise I could choose it if I wanted to

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

Enlightenment is not magic. There is still some guiding of perception involved that shaped what happens. But there is a continual wake of choice and freeing and barbed wire gates coming down. Which itself hurts in a good way but definitely a painful way.

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

Enough talking. Here is the link to the video. Topic: 🌟 Hanjo: observer/observed duality Date: Jan 7, 2021 04:50 PM Stanford, California Meeting Recording: https://t.co/O9mlhFkWfC

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

What I would say to myself from a couple days ago is that enlightenment is not an all-or-nothing deal. There can be an allowing of moderate enlightenment-esque experiences, and that itself is quite freeing/awakening/smoothing to reality’s experience.

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

Imagine a bubble growing and shrinking. Never really popping. (Pop being enlightenment.) But that’s okay! You don’t have to be embarassed about it or act embarassed. You can just own the breathing nature of it.

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

There is so much choice possible in only taking what you want and not trying or having to pretend to try to take more. It’s very respectful.

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

It’s important to do weird stuff to feel like yourself. For me, that’s REJECING enleightenment. No I don’t wanna do it! (not saying I won’t i just might) But I am FREE to say NO and so my own body can SEE in me doing this i am free! https://t.co/roEL61HrcW

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago

ok i did it Wrote a quick post on urge to shitpoast vs insight to do. https://t.co/fAblQgHjx9 https://t.co/OBNuzDNHhR

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

It’s weird to me to alternate between being wobbly in thinking versus quite precise & straight like my usual self. It feels good to oscillate between them, build strength and grip and control in them.

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

My conversation with Hanjo started when he replied to my thread with sth seemingly unrelated. I didn’t understand observer/observed duality at all, and his word “edginess” evoked sth for me but I didn’t know what. I felt curious and scheduled a call. https://t.co/ETKsY6FaKd

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

It’s really nice to be able to go piecemeal. Really fucking nice. Just pick up the parts I want to. (Knowing it will surface all its links.) And not pretend to care or strive to fit into my time parts I don’t feel compelled to pick up.

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

Not saying piecemeal can get you to enlightenment (and heck I haven’t decided in the LEAST that I want to attain it!). But there is a time and place where realising pieacemeal is possible unblocks you and that is where I was.

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

@AskYatharth i got started down this road by hearing the term Kensho which i translate as Insight - a single glimpse of nondual truth that dissolves a barrier in your perception, and allows you to see further a useful semi-enlightenment mark

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth each individual kensho should mark a dramatic shift no amount of kensho are sufficient to enlighten, but they're nice regardless (well, they're kind, they may not be nice, iyswim)

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

What do you do after/with the intensity once it passes? I liked Hanjo’s answer. Just it be and gestate. Important processing work going on there. It really fixed something that felt desperate re: intense experiences because I thought I had to capture or sustain then somehow.

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

Should I post my DMs to Hanjo after as dessert on the call?

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

@AskYatharth i mean you know what i'm going to say on the topic 🤷‍♀️

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

Thread on why I like talking Hanjo. - i can take long pauses - i don’t have to LARP studentness https://t.co/EWVcK3cIus

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago

@HanjoYoutaku yes you were very respectful! and . . . you allow me to be quiet and take long pauses and do you own work in between! this is very nice as a teacher to allow me to be without LARPig all the things that come with being a “student”

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

It’s so incredible to be anti-psy-opped this way. I can let someone’s teaching in fully without the cost of suppresing my intuition. A non-naïve trust dance, as Malcolm Ocean would say. https://t.co/e0WpSjgid5

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago

@HanjoYoutaku Still a respect for their teaching. Still a sense of “oh, they’re probably right, I’ll understand it.” But also: “I don’t KNOW that yet.” And that matters. https://t.co/bLTV82v972

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

DMs for desserts 1/n https://t.co/5URmhFUCkO

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

2/n https://t.co/dlgmunCRuf

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

3/n https://t.co/LGCQCa7hUj

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

4/n https://t.co/bf2vlZcaD0

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

5/n https://t.co/sm4Aigu5EM

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

6/n https://t.co/l2Tj0lbooy

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

cc: @CountJ0ecool @michellebowen_

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

@AskYatharth in particular: if you exist in this world, and you're feeling something intense it has already transformed you, whether you're able to articulate all the ways or not same with subtle things too but babby stepps

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth blammojammo https://t.co/PWSYHEMvhM

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@CountJ0ecool Reminds of me of how dharma discussions can get exhausting. Not that you are doing that here. But feeling on my end of having lost the plot, and discussing a moment not currently there.

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

@AskYatharth comes with the territory spiritual exercise -> spiritually tired

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

Wtf does it even mean to know? Like who is doing the knowing? What separation is there between me and the thing being known? That itself is a construction. So a thing knowing itself? This is just literally true in the most boring yet important way possible.

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1/14/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

@AskYatharth (+@HanjoYoutaku because who doesn't love notification-spam) it's so interesting to watch this, thank you both for sharing in particular, audio+video gives so much more insight into either party than a textual exchange 😁

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku one thing that's immediately clear is the difference in body language between you two Hanjo is more fidgety and is only occasionally making eye-contact whereas Yatharth is more still? comes to rest at times. pauses. seems to fixate on an idea for moments at a time

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku user avatar Hanjo Youtaku 00:15:49 What do you say the lemon user avatar Yatharth 00:15:50 Lemon lemon user avatar Hanjo Youtaku 00:15:52 The lemon olive. They live it. Yeah. --- poor transcription cannot grasp the liminality xD

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@CountJ0ecool @HanjoYoutaku I literally laughed out loud. This does not often happen. Laughing buddha bug bit me.

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

@CountJ0ecool @HanjoYoutaku I guess it’s also suppressable. I haven’t actually lost control. Just the desire to control it.

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku who's observing you lose control? 👁️

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 17:49 the you who observes the you who's experiencing who saw what, and who felt which? neither nor and either or 18:40 "sounds good" that's it working (overthinking / overanalyzing / separates the body from the mind)

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 20:47 time-skipping is something we do all the time, just on multiple "threads" our senses aren't actually in sync you could imagine a groove for each sense recording at different rates, with differing lag being played back as a purely physical phenomenon to say nothing of -

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 22:39 an observer that only itself cares about "I AM THE REAL ONE" it screams, mistaken "I AMTH EFINAL OBSERVER" sounds like demiurge tbh, not sure i want to be that guy

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 25:00 "yeah i'm quite selfless" lol so that plus time being of little issue is the sort of thing i'd expect from enlightened beings (who volunteer for this sort of thing to be clear) 26:45 Yatharth your eyes have this searching intensity in them (looks like you reading email)

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku i observe myself reading ahead in the transcript during quiet moments which is sub-ideal for a few reasons one that text doesn't fully cover it: https://t.co/CiMIbRBH6y two that i'm being impatient vs just cruising with it

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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago

@AskYatharth (+@HanjoYoutaku because who doesn't love notification-spam) it's so interesting to watch this, thank you both for sharing in particular, audio+video gives so much more insight into either party than a textual exchange 😁

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 30:55 the meta-observer is just another observer (and there is no observer, is the contention) https://t.co/kQfpzIm8Ay "you" are an observer? well which one. can you point to it? how did you do that "I used a mirror!" what's that

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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 22:39 an observer that only itself cares about "I AM THE REAL ONE" it screams, mistaken "I AMTH EFINAL OBSERVER" sounds like demiurge tbh, not sure i want to be that guy

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku if your self-conception of self actually contains your self, then your self was only ever conceptual and if it doesn't, then it's deluded itself into thinking of it as the self

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 34:48 "feels like you're affecting me" i mean heisenberg's uncertainty personality would say that's always true https://t.co/f0ZQ9HWJDg but what did you expect would(n't?) happen?

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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolalmost 5 years ago

@CatsterQed @CathyReisenwitz What would it mean to avoid manipulating others? At its most extreme, this would mean never *interacting* with others, for the simple act of conversation invariably leaves both parties changed https://t.co/yJ9KXrsGZe Heisenberg's Uncertainty Personality, if you will

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 37:00 - the bubble gettin big it gonna pop! "nooo i dont wanna pop just yet" boing goes the bubble as it snaps back to reality oh there goes gravity oh-

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 39:47 observing without being the observer just being, without making a fuss about observing any of it (stop observing yourself, stop observing yourself) 41:00 mind in a mind oh me oh mind

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 41:45 we got kinda fucked i imagine our mind-simulators are so we can understand *each other*, but then at some point it got fucked up and we thought we had to use that tool to understand ourselves and we're just out here hammering screws like idiots

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 43:00 it feels cooler and that's why it's addictive it feels powerful to hold yourself within yourself but you're only holding the parts you can grasp grabbing a handful of water and saying "look i hold the ocean!"

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku speaking as someone hopelessly addicted to self-hosting meta-reflection *cough* https://t.co/XAic6t3L6U

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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago

@defaultxr weird dropping the current thing for being insufficiently weird the language I got furthest on was a super-lisp, which kinda worked but was totally untenable https://t.co/KkSuyTd4B8

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 45:00 parents, believed to be a thinker I mean in particular it's where i think this pattern gets installed in us, by our parents https://t.co/otYjn1MkYK because in order to self-REGULATE we need to be self-AWARE we need to be one step ahead in order to BEHAVE with RULES

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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 41:45 we got kinda fucked i imagine our mind-simulators are so we can understand *each other*, but then at some point it got fucked up and we thought we had to use that tool to understand ourselves and we're just out here hammering screws like idiots

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 48:25 windows defenderoh no

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku relevant to the idea of self- and other-regulation https://t.co/ZXdSYL1x5z

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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolalmost 5 years ago

@SeanMombo @visakanv - "I don't have this and you shouldn't either" - "I try really hard to suppress this, how dare you just do it so casually" - "I wish someone would say this to me. I'd really like to hear this (maybe if I set the example?)"

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku also relevant to regulation https://t.co/mWjpvNzyLT

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku stepped out for a bit, realizing that there's something intensely relaxing about listening to past-yous while typing messages to future-yous https://t.co/ijYNOE56Hy something about being spread thin making it harder to self-reflect, no time to really think or analyze just move

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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku i mean i'm livetweeting along with so pretty noisy in here if i'm not pausing but just folowing the fun

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 54:00 left+right eyes seeing different realities because of course they are they hook closer into different brain hemispheres anda lso hhave different positions so literally have different perspectives

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 54:30 nothing is real life is just a comic book and enlightenment is seeing the panels or maybe that's just an insight idk definitely-an-insight is realizing that there are panels to see borders of (or pages or film grain, pick your media metaphor)

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 55:30 also time also a variety of other senses each sense a new dimension, a new orthogonality of experience add 'em all up and what do you get? still not enlightnement but hey you're a bigger bubble now at least

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku anchoring each different felt sense in a very clear pattern of embodiment is essentially the entire purpose of chakras (or whichever) that and communicating said multidimensionality in a teachable manner https://t.co/pjLimlrt00

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 57:20 just let it gestate and come intuitively i read about this in zen where it's all "have you attained" yes "then clean your bowl" where you eat, but then gotta digest 57:30 the worst thing is to conceptualize it well fuck

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku nice to have handles for concepts https://t.co/MG0ulyfj2a but maybe it's just *comforting* to have handles, in the same way that a bottle is comforting to leetl bebeh

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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago

@visakanv someone on this site said "it's more of a Way than a flowchart" and I think about that phrasing a lot

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 1:00:00 "it makes me valuable" the problem with defining your value on half-baked experience is that someone with whole-grain will come by one day and clean you the fuck out 😌

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 1:04:30 - predicting allowing feeling? oh hey there it is https://t.co/Iy0ZGqm8XE maybe i prediiiiicted you would saaay thaaat woooo~~ thinking prediction is necessary is a post-hoc rationalization for pre-hoc rationalization which is a confusion (that I hit often)

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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku something i notice about myself (🤔) is that there's a sort of "predicting how I would react if-" going on where i'm not in this moment, but trying to guess at or steer towards some future-moment

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 1:05:45 lenses ARE fun to play with but don't glue any to your face forever 😬 1:06:20 outsmarting Hanjo ... good luck I notice this urge in myself when he drops firebombs of wisdom like... nuh uh... but then, ok maybe

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku and i notice this in Yatharth's silences afterwards, like "how do I realign what I'm saying to not get gotten" an earlier example was trying not to frame things as questions which, that flummoxing and second-guessing is sort of the entire zugzwang at play here

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku in trying to think of how to get around it you've already lost

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 1:07:05 - i don't even use lenses true things are true from all frames so don't need to think too hard about them just spittin fax

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku 1:08:18 factual description of events thos yeah

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku DONE holy fuck that was super fun and dare I say it illuminating

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku oh wait lenses hya- https://t.co/dyBwhkB5Vy

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@CountJ0ecool @HanjoYoutaku oh shiz

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@CountJ0ecool @HanjoYoutaku I like this. Plausible. Much evidence pointing to understanding others as starting arms race of intelligence and simulation that got exapted into self-modifying, self-observing, compartmentalising selves.

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku right and now that you understand the octopus that lives in our skulls it should be easy to extract it after all, knowing stuff is always useful and cool

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku something i notice about myself (🤔) is that there's a sort of "predicting how I would react if-" going on where i'm not in this moment, but trying to guess at or steer towards some future-moment

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku also relevant to the topic of self-modeling: https://t.co/G1SJWT3MCe your perceptions are filtered by your self, so by understanding yourself, you can maybe account for your own biased perception

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku of course the self-model that you build was built entirely by your self, so you need to debias your debiaser, and so on do we regress does the series converge? is there a fixed point? or is all that misguided and the unborn mind can just cut to the heart of it

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1/7/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @CountJ0ecool

@CountJ0ecool @HanjoYoutaku yeah, the information-gathering energy. sometimes it helps to really treat it as time to experience alongside/with. pause as much as you need. skip. focused on primacy of your experience. what’s happening?

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1/7/2021
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J0eCool@CountJ0ecoolover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

@AskYatharth @HanjoYoutaku i mean i'm livetweeting along with so pretty noisy in here if i'm not pausing but just folowing the fun

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