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that said, let's get meta: how do you fix insecurity and cowardice? in my experience, you seldom get very far by telling insecure cowards "you are insecure cowards". even if you're right. unless you're *extremely* skilful and sensitive with your delivery https://t.co/iwQaRN0wc4
you pretty much need to be a surrogate dad. you have to be patient, kind and nourishing, and simultaneously, firm and resolute. you need to challenge and inspire dudes to become better versions of themselves, expand their imaginations, their ideas about what is possible and good
this is a lot of work, often thankless and wasted work, and not many people are willing to do it – understandably. but progress will come from those of us who are willing to roll up our sleeves and sit with these guys to provide them the encouragement and support they never got
I'm not going to pretend that I live up to my own ideals perfectly all the time. I don't. we're all human. we all get frustrated and angry, we all lash out sometimes. but once you see how reform and healing truly happens, it's hard to unsee it, & it's hard to justify the old ways
@visakanv (the tweet 2 deep below quotes Victor Wooten saying "I can teach you nothing. I can only *show* you things."") https://t.co/n4CaZQBl2O
The phrase "that'll teach them a lesson!" involves a deep confusion around how learning works. "I can't teach you, I can only SHOW you." Show cruelty, and people will learn cruelty. Show anger, and people will learn anger. Show resent, and people will learn resent. https://t.co/ZqtBuIAO4u