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This course is really quicking my ass 😅. All the other online courses I've done, I've stayed in the realm of the intellect and that's my comfort zone. Here I have to operate from a different place and it's confusing, scary and emotionally draining 😄 https://t.co/jCjxZU59GO
I'm doing @fortelabs's new coaching course and we started yesterday. It's the biggest investment I've ever made in myself and I'm still not sure what to expect. Like yh I'm an online course addict but this is a whole nother level 😅 But I'm excited by what's possible.
I now get how I've stayed safe by expressing a narrow range of emotions, and mild versions of each. Try talking from the head, and then talking from the gut and you'll see how differently the 2 see the world. I also see just how scared of conflict I am...
Tired: sobSquad Wired: rageSquad 😄 Crying has been my natural method of releasing emotions while rage has been unavailable to me. When I cry the child is expressing its frustration, but when I finally expressed rage, the adult was saying I'm here to protect you.
This wk we're covering empathy. I often have to actively put myself in someone's shoes before I can feel how they're feeling. This bothers me because I want empathy to come naturally. Now I realise the reason empathy is not easy is because empathy for myself doesn't come easily
And the reason empathy for myself doesn't come easily is because I don't want to be seen as victimising myself. The more I see stuff like this, the more I'm convinced that our relationship with ourselves mirrors our relationship with others.
This week I learned that perfection is not binary. While perfectionism is dominant in some people, we all aspire for perfection in subtle ways. Like the way we want to be seen put-together, the way we get uncomfortable when we trip up on words. Once you see it, it's *everywhere*
So what's the antidote to perfectionism? Connection. Our brains desperately seek connection, but every time we want to be perfect in subtle ways, we disconnect from the others. We abandon the person we're talking to, when we try to be seen a certain way or fret about messing up
All of these symptoms, like low confidence, lack of self-belief, self-doubt, lack of self-compassion, it all comes down to *not choosing that voice*. Which leads to not establishing a loving relationship with it and therefore with myself.
I mean, I said it myself in my self-compassion post. If we don’t trust ourselves, we can’t truly love ourselves. Now I'm learning it again, but this time from a more visceral place. I guess I will have to learn this again many more times before it can become a part of me.
I've been learning so much about anger this week. For most of us there's a dominant emotion that we have not been allowed to feel (anger in my case, crying etc for others). I've learned how amazing anger could feel. It's been so empowering for me.
But damn I have such a backlog. Years of unfelt anger that to do these exercises I really have to force it. But fake it till you make it, really works. There's a part of me that feels "at last, we are in charge" and I can't explain how empowering that feels.
I think particularly working in tech, you get so accustomed to being devoid of emotion. (And that suits my upbringing so well). But that shit is not healthy, you don't get to see the full humanity of your peers. I'm giving myself permission to feel more.
Also plot twist... RE empathy I've since realised it's not that it's hard for me to feel empathy, it's that because empathy felt so painful as a child (I was super sensitive) I had to tone it down. https://t.co/0g0jGkCxnD
This wk we're covering empathy. I often have to actively put myself in someone's shoes before I can feel how they're feeling. This bothers me because I want empathy to come naturally. Now I realise the reason empathy is not easy is because empathy for myself doesn't come easily
This week is all about "wants". Knowing what they are & communicating them. This subject is very important to me, I have a blog post on this brewing in my head for months and I'm kind of too scared to approach it. If you care about the topic plz tell me https://t.co/PgOQDjvhLe
I shared this with my parents last night and it was so powerful. Talking about emotions with my parents is always a difficult task for me but I realised that *that* is what I want above other things. So I cut through the BS and told them that.
We talked about our common past (incl. my childhood) and I realised how much of the stories I've made up are just that. And worse, they are incomplete and vague. My parents had a very different account. The stories became dismantled and slid off my shoulders.
Had another anger session last night with a few people form the course, and daaaamn I have so much anger about school. It's years of buried anger about every aspect including the delusion that school itself is. I can probably have 10 more sessions before it's out of my system.
The thing that has plagued me more than anything in life has been "self-doubt". It's a big reason for why I was drawn to this course. Over the weekend I went on my 1st climbing trip since lockdown and my self-doubt was noticeably lower 😯
This is after not climbing for *months*, I'm totally out of shape and my technique has taken a big hit. Yet, I had less self-doubt than I did when I was in shape 🤯. Who knows, it might be a fluke but I can't describe how empowering it feels.
I've since written an overview of the experience here: https://t.co/UyhOJSwcnm
This week is all about "wants". Knowing what they are & communicating them. This subject is very important to me, I have a blog post on this brewing in my head for months and I'm kind of too scared to approach it. If you care about the topic plz tell me https://t.co/PgOQDjvhLe
I shared this with my parents last night and it was so powerful. Talking about emotions with my parents is always a difficult task for me but I realised that *that* is what I want above other things. So I cut through the BS and told them that.
We talked about our common past (incl. my childhood) and I realised how much of the stories I've made up are just that. And worse, they are incomplete and vague. My parents had a very different account. The stories became dismantled and slid off my shoulders.
Had another anger session last night with a few people form the course, and daaaamn I have so much anger about school. It's years of buried anger about every aspect including the delusion that school itself is. I can probably have 10 more sessions before it's out of my system.
The thing that has plagued me more than anything in life has been "self-doubt". It's a big reason for why I was drawn to this course. Over the weekend I went on my 1st climbing trip since lockdown and my self-doubt was noticeably lower 😯
This is after not climbing for *months*, I'm totally out of shape and my technique has taken a big hit. Yet, I had less self-doubt than I did when I was in shape 🤯. Who knows, it might be a fluke but I can't describe how empowering it feels.
I've since written an overview of the experience here: https://t.co/UyhOJSwcnm
Also plot twist... RE empathy I've since realised it's not that it's hard for me to feel empathy, it's that because empathy felt so painful as a child (I was super sensitive) I had to tone it down. https://t.co/0g0jGkCxnD
This wk we're covering empathy. I often have to actively put myself in someone's shoes before I can feel how they're feeling. This bothers me because I want empathy to come naturally. Now I realise the reason empathy is not easy is because empathy for myself doesn't come easily
This week is all about "wants". Knowing what they are & communicating them. This subject is very important to me, I have a blog post on this brewing in my head for months and I'm kind of too scared to approach it. If you care about the topic plz tell me https://t.co/PgOQDjvhLe
I shared this with my parents last night and it was so powerful. Talking about emotions with my parents is always a difficult task for me but I realised that *that* is what I want above other things. So I cut through the BS and told them that.
We talked about our common past (incl. my childhood) and I realised how much of the stories I've made up are just that. And worse, they are incomplete and vague. My parents had a very different account. The stories became dismantled and slid off my shoulders.
Had another anger session last night with a few people form the course, and daaaamn I have so much anger about school. It's years of buried anger about every aspect including the delusion that school itself is. I can probably have 10 more sessions before it's out of my system.
The thing that has plagued me more than anything in life has been "self-doubt". It's a big reason for why I was drawn to this course. Over the weekend I went on my 1st climbing trip since lockdown and my self-doubt was noticeably lower 😯
This is after not climbing for *months*, I'm totally out of shape and my technique has taken a big hit. Yet, I had less self-doubt than I did when I was in shape 🤯. Who knows, it might be a fluke but I can't describe how empowering it feels.
I've since written an overview of the experience here: https://t.co/UyhOJSwcnm
This week is all about "wants". Knowing what they are & communicating them. This subject is very important to me, I have a blog post on this brewing in my head for months and I'm kind of too scared to approach it. If you care about the topic plz tell me https://t.co/PgOQDjvhLe
I shared this with my parents last night and it was so powerful. Talking about emotions with my parents is always a difficult task for me but I realised that *that* is what I want above other things. So I cut through the BS and told them that.
We talked about our common past (incl. my childhood) and I realised how much of the stories I've made up are just that. And worse, they are incomplete and vague. My parents had a very different account. The stories became dismantled and slid off my shoulders.
Had another anger session last night with a few people form the course, and daaaamn I have so much anger about school. It's years of buried anger about every aspect including the delusion that school itself is. I can probably have 10 more sessions before it's out of my system.
The thing that has plagued me more than anything in life has been "self-doubt". It's a big reason for why I was drawn to this course. Over the weekend I went on my 1st climbing trip since lockdown and my self-doubt was noticeably lower 😯
This is after not climbing for *months*, I'm totally out of shape and my technique has taken a big hit. Yet, I had less self-doubt than I did when I was in shape 🤯. Who knows, it might be a fluke but I can't describe how empowering it feels.
I've since written an overview of the experience here: https://t.co/UyhOJSwcnm
@Neats29 Yes!! Powerful stuff. I had some similar experiences with anger recently, you might be interested in reading about them: https://t.co/AHJCjSWfWe