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There is an art to replying and commenting, and probably like 60-70% of people Iāve seen on the internet fail at it. The important thing is not to speak your mind, but to āsupportā the OP. You can support them by disagreeing well & you can āmis-supportā them by agreeing stupidly
Every āutteranceā (status, tweet, whatever) is a bit of an invitation, a bit of a proposal. āLetās play this gameā. When strangers read the proposal accurately, and support the game, a shared understanding develops. You can make friends this way.
Some people deliberately choose to ignore, misread, disregard or denounce other peopleās bids. Others are outright clueless and donāt know how to play, and sometimes cluelessness leads to worse bungling than deliberate malice (JJās razor) https://t.co/MC09cW3bCM
I was a lot more belligerent and disagreeable when I was younger, in part because I simplistically thought playing other peopleās games was a sheep-like way to live. Why should I support other peopleās dumb games? Why not mock them instead? Itās easy, and intoxicating
I learned that you rarely build anything worthwhile that way. The ābestā case scenario: you win over other disagreeable people. A few years of this & it becomes the world you live in ā surrounded by other belligerent assholes who donāt know or care how to play nice. A cursed life
We canāt choose where we are born, or our family, and our initial set of friends is heavily influenced by happenstance. But we can choose who we want to be associated with subsequently. All problems are interpersonal problems, but we kind of get to choose which ones we want
Many different lines of enquiry have led me to this same conviction: The best guiding question in life is, āWho do you want to share this life with?ā *Everything else* can be determined from this question. Your ethics, beliefs, actions, habits... https://t.co/BVZYdJ9vyS
Circling back: why even bother with the pain of defeat when you can avoid it? You never signed up for life I think it boils down to the company. Do you want to be around people who are running from the pain, or towards it? My ethics is derived from my desire for good peers
Francis Bacon, Of Discourse - donāt be tedious - let other people talk - if someone is hogging, cut him off - ask questions that people can look good answering - donāt be a poser with smartass questions - donāt bitch about others - eloquence is overrated - Itās Not About You https://t.co/LvHozF4N3Y
George Washington: 1. Respect others 13. If your friend has lice, remove it privately 38. When visiting the sick, donāt play physician 41. āUndertake not to teach your equal in the art himself professesā 46. Take all admonition thankfully 49. Use no reproachful language https://t.co/fjUfhcMHqk
50. āBe not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of anyā 56. Associate with quality people 58. No malice or envy 61. Donāt intimidate the ignorant 62. Donāt ruin the mood; if someone else does, fix it 64. Donāt laugh at othersā misfortune 66. Be courteous
68. Give not advice without being asked 70. Reprehend not the imperfection of others 71. Gaze not on the blemishes of others and ask not how they came 73. Think before you speak 74. When another speaks, be attentive and do not interrupt https://t.co/rMTZLaaEWU
79. Donāt relate news if you donāt know the truth 80. Be not tedious in discourse 81. Be not curious to know the affairs of others 86. In disputes, be not desirous to overcome; give liberty to each to deliver his opinion 105. Be not angry at the table whatever happens https://t.co/KtUNwZGXmE
Relatedly: https://t.co/Tmq2pK8dug
examples of cruel (or incompetent) vs nourishing https://t.co/aURE61b1mR
Noobs: You made a mistake, haha, gotcha! I win, you lose! Suck it, sucker! Friends: Was that a mistake? Itās interesting how we both things wrong in distinct ways, that reveal our underlying assumptions and allow us to come to a better understanding of ourselves. I appreciate u
IMHO this is an example of good reply game (contrast it with all the other replies) https://t.co/PllGcdrSV9
@paulg An interesting corollary to this that @jiggityk once pointed out: everything that is good & valuable *becomes* obvious on hindsight. Eg it took decades before anybody put wheels on luggage. But *now* it seems obvious. It seems obvious *because* the value is so apparent
@visakanv You linked from the sax thread to this thread but it needs a link back too :) https://t.co/YBF3vXH4qn
On good reply game when pitching reads to people. If you want us to prioritize your bid over everything else competing for our attention, you have to sell us on it https://t.co/37QxzZVaAX
Never mass-message people with some spammy ābuy my bookā message. Not only is it selfish and annoying, your odds of success are terrible. Everybody loses https://t.co/D2b1q19OVd
This is a great example of the sort of lazy sales and marketing people do when they think they are being #hustlers. Itās like going around pushing at 1,000 doors marked āpullā then patting yourself on the back. All you did was annoy everybody https://t.co/To75jfIkHQ
good classic thread about bad reply game https://t.co/mvYe0COUbt
good reply game https://t.co/R56Lz0cdsG
Benjamin Franklin's rules of bad reply game, 1750 https://t.co/0erCPaBQU5
On making good recommendations: https://t.co/uJTHRLtw3N
great rule-of-thumb: ask 2 clarifying questions before contradicting https://t.co/zBAshIBMea
@ESYudkowsky @caryatis The version of this rule Iāve adopted is āask 2 clarifying questions before contradictingā (for high-level claims, not pure factual claims). This gets most benefits of both. And if I already know someone wonāt have a useful clarification I shouldnāt be arguing with them anyway.