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i think this is true for a lot of 'alternative' cultures; people want a new outfit but not the culture/worldview/underlying principles that go with it https://t.co/QyBTgJYWcF
i have an essay draft making fun of 'how to spice up your relationship' – people think it's about toys and lingerie but it's really about exposing vulnerable bits of your psychology to one another. you can love someone for decades and marry them and still have huge blind spots
relationships become boring because they get reduced into shell-scripts, patterns and routines – because people avoid the difficult work of communicating hard, painful things to one another. At this point some people, desperate for stimulation, do crazy shit like cheat
it's actually entirely possible to have an affair with your own spouse – just literally decide to break from your routine and ask each other questions about things you don't normally talk about, and be honest with each other. do hard and scary things together
I think a big reason lots of people fail to do this is because they're shy! You can see your spouse naked, and witness each other throwing up, etc – and yet be too shy to ask each other things that are outside of the stable/familiar configuration you've established together
It's easier to be a different version of yourself with a different person. You can open up your heart completely to a stranger at an airport that you'll never see again, but you might worry about the consequences doing it to someone you have a long-standing relationship with