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I've actually been thinking about this class of problem lately a lot on multiple fronts. 1. people are very bad at asking good questions in general 2. people are very bad at modelling other people's minds 3. as a consequence of 1 + 2, people are very bad at getting help https://t.co/3CwDk72mFX
Particularly been thinking about this in terms of emotional health. As a general rule, everyone jumps at the opportunity to perform a small, specific task that will improve a friend's a day But nobody wants to be given the general responsibility of another person's well-being
"my life sucks" is very tiring to respond to (especially when other people's lives are also sucking to various degrees of suck) "I'm having a rough week, can you tell me about something you're happy about" is WAY, WAY easier to respond to
"Can I know you?" "Will you be my friend?" "I think I've fallen in love with you" are all selfish, short-sighted, things to say that force the other person to do all the work of figuring out the relationship you're trying to establish.
Give people very specific requests and they will be so glad to be able to help. It's like night and day. Everyone wants to build social capital. Nobody wants to do the thankless, tedious work of figuring out the project management of a new relationship w/ unknown utility