It took me a pretty long time to start believing women about harassment, abuse, rape. I remember thinking it surely couldn't be a big deal
It's a sort of elaborate optical illusion created by social filter bubbles. I'd like to spend some tweets helping other men appreciate this
There are many ways in which men and women experience completely different realities. We are told different things, treated differently
From a young age girls are socialized to police themselves. That if somebody touches or abuses them, THEY did something wrong. THEY failed
So talking about bad experiences in this sphere is automatically laden with lots of guilt, shame. It's very difficult. There's no winning
Consider a woman's options if she's harassed. If she's too afraid to speak, men think there's no problem. Some will even blame her silence
If she says "something happened" - the interrogators show up: What happened? Who did it? What were you wearing? Why didn't you stop it?
If she doesn't name the guy, she's sometimes accused of being an attention-seeker (men seldom appreciate how unpleasant this attention is)
If she names him: well why didn't you make a police report? Why not go to court? This is character assassination! You're ruining his life!
If she takes him to court: you just want a pay out, don't you? A settlement? Gold-digger! You led him on and set the whole thing up!
If you're the guy who thinks he's doing a service to the world by rigorously questioning everything: women will never tell you their stories
(We are not entitled to women's stories either way. I'm saying women need to trust you and be comfortable with you before they'll tell you.)
Frame it the other way: you can be 30 years old and SERIOUSLY believe than NONE of your female acquaintances have been harassed or raped
This is not proof that there is no sexual harassment in the world. It's proof that your female friends don't trust you. Think about it.
There is truth to the statement "you only hear the stories we're comfortable telling". I've heard some outrageous shit I can't say in public
Here's another side to the picture: you definitely have creepy, rapey friends. But you might not know it. You can know a guy 10 years...
And a woman who's known him for 10 minutes will see (unfortunately) a side of him that you have no idea about. It will be hard to believe
But only men have difficulty believing this. "But he was so good to me". Women are never truly surprised by this. They've seen&heard it all
This is a massive, subtle, multi-layered problem. We can all find ways to contribute towards fixing. In my opinion, media can go a long way
Most men are pretty bad at appreciating women's perspectives, worries, concerns, challenges. Being raised on diet of stories written by men
I thought Get Out was a great film for helping non-black people appreciate a black man's point of view. What are the equivalents for women?
(It's interesting how men like Scifi and Fantasy for "exploring other worlds" and yet "the woman's mind is such a mystery" - it's rly not)
I learned to appreciate and understand women a lot better when I realized they often get shamed or attacked for openly speaking the truth
A woman might be furtive and imprecise about what she wants because she's been trained + conditioned to be, punished for being assertive etc
But again of course women are not a monolithic entity. There are 3,500,000,000 of them and they are varied and complex and different
Anyway, guys: just consider the possibility that everything you've seen and heard your whole life is less than half of the full picture
Carry the thought "what if my worldview is flawed, optimized for my personal convenience and comfort? What if I'm wrong?"
At a family gathering today. Interesting to observe little girls being told they are beautiful, being taught to pose prettily for pictures
Little girls get scolded for having messy hair, while their male cousins get to walk around covered in sweat and grime
