🧵 View Thread
🧵 Thread (32 tweets)
What if social anxiety has nothing to do with being liked — what if it’s the exact opposite? New post, link below https://t.co/W5HN8oimf8
From https://t.co/TFmYAXBqr5 -
From https://t.co/BGkcEoBADj -
@ChrisChipMonk great read! reminds me of https://t.co/alsYPOAaHk
@QxD5e yeah i've read it 7x https://t.co/uixNOvW4j3
@ChrisChipMonk Oh interesting! Many people hate this book, especially those who like to marinate in and be proud of their mental health issues. I say: don’t just believe stuff, just allow the book to question your own beliefs. It made me think a lot, despite some of the outdated nonsense.
@ChrisChipMonk Like, trauma isn’t a thing? Ok that’s probably not right, but let me at least give it the benefit of the doubt and consider whether I’ve fallen into the trap of having got too used and attached to my own misery. (Just as one example of a good way to deal with this book.)
What is the fear *of* (as in, 'fear of spiders') if it not be a fear of disliked (inasmuch as, per your report, the feeler is successful in avoiding being disliked, and thus there's nothing there to be afraid of in the first place). (It is a rhetorical question as no one is actually 'successful' in avoiding being disliked)
@ChrisChipMonk this could be taken as a mean opinion. don't get me wrong, i feel the earnestness. it's just, if you tell someone their entire social calculus is based on avoiding dislike, what might that signal to their system about the self that is doing the avoiding?
@ChrisChipMonk Yes. A few months ago I realized that the feeling of social anxiety is specifically the feeling of trying to make people feel any specific way about me Which makes sense when you consider that "make others feel x way" is literally impossible to solve reliably.
I think it's a specific kind of shame, that falls in to a few common internet critiques/insults. Like being "problematic" or "cringe" or a "stalker", etc. Basically, everyone is supposed to be naturally likable and just automatically form strong relationships. And if you ever put any effort or try to be outgoing and get people to hang out/like you/date you, then there's something wrong with you. The act of trying is evidence that you're not naturally likable and therefore you should be subject to some kind of ridicule.