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something I haven't seen discussed much is how smacking kids affects their attachment style as adults like hi I'm your primary caregiver and I'm mostly attentive to your needs and also sometimes I use undisguised shock treatment to condition your behaviour oh and also all conceivable authorities agree this is good and normal
@RichDecibels Very good observationI remember thinking a lot about how the discourse around that and acceptability evolved as I grew up to it being not normalAnd then I've seen family members fully rectcon that they used to smack us which made this whole social reality even crazier
@hyperdiscogirl @VividVoid_ vote queen? https://t.co/oB9hDL2pdq
(~in my experience~) but i think i also heard something a long time ago like...that measured, predictable physical violence (like "if you break X rule you will be hit Y times," and the parent isn't scary/mad/out of control, just matter-of-fact about it) is actually emotionally not that big a deal? idk but it makes sense to me
@QiaochuYuan @RichDecibels i think i was spanked like 3 times when i was a kid & every time i deserved it like each time i was like "yeah that makes sense." also in retrospect like once i was on a swing and one of my sisters was in front of me & i swung-kicked into her over & over yeah, a spanking
@QiaochuYuan @RichDecibels Never saw it as a big deal either, but now I feel into it I only have memories of seeing myself being spanked in third person or tangential/circumstantial memories (dad will spank you when he gets home) Probably not a sign it was very smoothly integrated at the time
@RichDecibels I was spanked a handful of times and it took a shit ton of work both individually and (to a 0% satisfying conclusion) with dad to get to where I'm mostly over it. I'm still not over the yelling and it still affects me π’
We have a rambunctious 3 year old and my wife is very granola and has been trying to change history by not doing this. Instead he gets so wild she sometimes looses her cool due to sleep deprivation, his physical abuse etc. so she yells. So the kid is asking "estas contenta conmigo?" a lot which is probably a healthier form of probing for shock boundaries, which emerge organically rather than as a policy.
@RichDecibels i was meditating on why i was having trouble being present with my parents and had a somatic experience of being spanked come up felt how the spanking broke my trust there was a looping "i'm not good enough" attached to it after feeling through it being present is easier
@RichDecibels It's abuse, and causes irreparable harm to the relationship. Imagine hearing a friend say 'my partner is nice to me, only hits me sometimes, and only if I really deserve it. As long as I don't screw up, they don't hurt me'. You'd beg your friend to leave the relationship.
@RichDecibels No I am not going to feel sorry for you, a grown man, Jesus. This is the most repulsively feminine and victim minded view I have read on this site. You seem like the kind of boomer who has ruined the world. Go back to BlueSky
@RichDecibels Huge difference between someone applying a βconditioning behaviorβ type light spanking and someone hitting you out of frustration and anger. The latter left me feeling distrustful of my parents, scared, and unloved.
@RichDecibels Your caregivers allowed you to have needs? https://t.co/GiXRquMeDF
