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There are so many things about you that are just for you, for your soul, as well as a whole other category of things that are only for your therapist or priest to know. Both are largely things that your partner can not know and remain in a stable relationship with you
If you don't keep at least one thin inch of your interiority for yourself, & hopefully more, you will destroy all possibility of mystery, and therefore erotic charge. Worse, you lose the space in which you can withdraw & renew yourself, which keeps the relationship fresh
I'm not saying that intimacy shouldn't deepen and grow over time, or that you shouldn't know all kinds of things about each other that no one else does. There's also a special class of knowledge that you should keep in reserve just for your partner.
But it's not sustainable to expect them to be able to withstand the very worst and most difficult parts of you, especially those that are immature and grasping, or cause difficult subconscious emotions and judgments to arise in them upon seeing them
And it's not kind to yourself to cast the deepest and hardest truths of your soul before someone who doesn't have the infinitesimal layers of context needed to fully appreciate them. Some parts of your soul are cheapened when they're witnessed by anyone but you and the divine
People only have so much ego strength, and it's much more inhumane to demand infinite forbearance from your partner than it is to fail to hold every brutal, perverted corner of another person's interiority with grace Discretion is a mercy that allows you both to be human
@VividVoid_ This mostly stems from the male desire for unconditional love from a perfect maternal figure. Not only does such a woman not exist, attempting to do that with a romantic partner will spoil the polarity and doom the relationship. And women who ask for that are setting a trap.
@VividVoid_ I think you *shouldn't* tell your partner everything and know everything about your partner, but you should absolutely be in a place where you can be absolutely confident that if you said absolutely anything it would at least not destroy everything
@VividVoid_ Very insightful and good thread Vivid! I wonder how this respect for the innermost sanctuary can be balanced with not being too avoidant/detached. That was a failing point in my most recent (my love for her has grown with separation, and my soul is always months behind hers)
@StreyaFromSpace It might help to try and get a sense beforehand of how deep you can go with your partner and what to leave off limits, and then negotiate with her if she's worried about you being avoidant. Small experiments and tests to let intimacy grow naturally
@VividVoid_ thank you for this thread. i suspect i've done damage to myself and my relationships by being too open a book, and trying to communicate the messiest darkest shit when i barely understood it myself. it never made things better in the way i hoped it would.
@VividVoid_ the desire to be consumed by & enmeshed with another will never be satisfying long term, and is actually only met by self-acceptance & individual integration. we need to meet ourselves. our partners allow us to see ourselves more clearly. a mirror. but not a twin.
@VividVoid_ Poets have known for years https://t.co/VNqAmTAs7n
