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with the "Hegelian Egirl Council" all but over, i am free to speak. here's my retrospective, skewed as it is by my perspective part 1: lore (who cares, skip to part 2) in a frantic dm conversation almost a month ago, i vented in clumsy, inelegant terms about how what we're doing is Evil and we're being Evil and HEC is making anna evil and making me evil. not knowing why, but just feeling a truth in my bones that HEC was feeding everything i didnt want it to feed. we justified everything we did under the banner of the greater vision we had. the need to take some risks, to break a few eggs to make an omelette. (anna said that with nikki or with me, she'd be signing a deal with the devil anyway.) to the point that when we (not we, exactly, we didn't do it together but we both faced this independently about different things) were forced to accept greater and greater evils, we didn't think twice. and we kept having to accept greater evils because of the fundamentally flawed backbone of the project. the break happened when i started questioning if this vision can be achieved at all, on the practical level of being able to save HEC from its own incompetence. then realising that the philosophical basis upon which this project is founded is thin as air like a cartoon. running into the sky until i looked down. when i started falling i couldn't stop falling. it wasn't always what we did, it was what we condoned and allowed and justified away. the risks we took in a leap of faith. the cracks showing in the bullying allegations that came out. the fascist particle accelerator we had accidentally kicked into gear. "they enslave their children's children who make compromise with sin": we made compromises that we really, really shouldn't have, and both of us came out all the worse for it.