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I'm worthy of love bc I participate in the construction of beauty, truth & goodness, bc I'm of benefit to others, bc I'm weaving my life energy into a wholesome superorganism, being a good partner, caring for my community, pushing against despair & suffering, expanding liberty
if I'm not participating in these activities it's good my subconscious generates a signal telling me I'm a worthless piece of shit, if I can take that signal as a postcard from the future inviting me into a more fulfilling life and take the action needed to earn my self respect
@RichDecibels If this were a story, the next beat would be when you lose the thing that enables you to earn your self respect, forcing you to confront your limitations and grow as a character, leading you to see the people you previously did not respect with more compassion.
I get where you’re coming from, I frame differently: you don’t have to earn love, you’re already worthy BUT also love by itself isn’t enough. Boundaries and judgment are real, and your “postcard from the future” is a warning that just soaking up free love and ignoring the judgment part is no way to live. And I agree with that
@RichDecibels I can get frustrated at times with a sort of endless hippy dippy mindless feel good acceptance of all things, which is the love principle without the judgment principle https://t.co/4W9fYhBnhI
@RichDecibels I saved this quote at some point, related to this. Don't know the source: "The two hands of God are said to be mercy and justice. Are you sure you want to be forgiven all of your shortcomings? Compassion isn't the same as making people feel better."
@RichDecibels Probably something about security/secure attachment/something like that too where it's easier to be the best person you can be if you don't "need" to contribute to others to feel good but still do it because that's who you are
@RichDecibels Finally I wonder if some people are more made to be alone and maybe that's how you end up being a monk or having a very isolated lifestyle? I can't imagine all the social traits not being normally distributed
@RichDecibels i dont particularly like this framing either. i much prefer the framing of "you've been loved your whole life you just can't see/feel it", that's more about getting in touch with reality beyond stories https://t.co/uCBcXZgW3q
as someone who went through most of life skeptical and resentful of my mom and her "supposed" love for me, my experience was true and real and hardand now that i'm able to actually inhabit her perspective, the claim that it wasnt there is basically insane https://t.co/KKced6Wl2X
@RichDecibels and then from there i can do or not do whatever i want, though if i'm honoring myself/people i love, i'll probably do stuff. and if i do stuff that contributes to other people that'll probably result in me receiving even more love
@RichDecibels you can be worthy of love just because you exist. i have felt love for people simple because they exist. they don't get a choice to be anyone but them. perhaps there is something intrinsically endearing about humans, trees, and forms of intelligence we see
@RichDecibels i can relate to where you're coming from. it once seemed hollow and unconvincing to me. what you say about "you must reality check yourself and participate in construction of love to be worth" felt load bearing to me. i still think that, but i also think ^
@RichDecibels also worth saying the obvious "I was already Enough!" is a thought. but what actually moves people is the *feeling*, for perhaps the first time in a while, of experiencing wonder, love, and joy in themselves
@RichDecibels often when an alleged insight seems trite, it’s because it’s really meant to subvert its inverse. In this case its when people are unable to accept love because they had accepted a voice that told them, https://t.co/JrdQvBJg76
@RichDecibels “worthiness” is a dodgy concept to begin with, one mired in scarcity. My baby boy doesn’t need to do anything to be “worthy” of my love. and conversely, if I were wretched, abusive, neglectful, nothing he could do would help. The “already enough” key is a solution to this puzzle
@RichDecibels if you can take “worthless” as an invitation to do better, I think your operating system has already internalized this, which some people have not. So it seems hollow the way explaining really basic concepts like ~“to write, first put your hands on the keyboard” seems hollow