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a lot of loneliness plays out like this: people accumulate past grievances that they feel have not been appropriately heard. they front-load interactions with this (eg complaining about ex on first date), which makes other people feel unheard. this perpetuates the wretched cycle
a lot of solutions to the loneliness problem begin by finding some way to metabolize the grievances, whether it’s through therapy, or drugs, or art partial solutions are possible and better than nothing; and most people do live in some state of leaky compartmentalization
when a couple or friend group etc is able to witness the expression of a grievance (which might be ugly, uncouth, unkind) but they’re then able to not take it personally and face it with patience and kindness – if they can metabolize that together, that creates deep intimacy
some people- I count myself as a bit of a former member of this crew- kinda go too far with this and develop a savior complex, where we always want to be caring for wretched people, to feel needed, and we drain ourselves almost to death for it https://t.co/nR4p4PhOET
The guiding question that I think was helpful for me was: what sort of life do you want for yourself? What sort of people do you want in your life? You have no obligation to force yourself to be around miserable people. You don’t *have* to be a full-time savior of the broken https://t.co/NEfkqHWRTJ
but honestly, i think even that was preferable to the despair, desolation, indignity of wretchedness. I didn’t start this thread intending to shill it, but it’s relevant: if you liked this thread you’ll definitely like my ebook @introspectvv which a more extensive exploration
@introspectVV https://t.co/YCUyfB5XYT
@visakanv @introspectVV The part about boredom really hits deep. At least I've found recently that if I go through the "activation energy" of doing what I used to love (actually doing it for 5 minutes) and drop it when I don't feel like doing it anymore I can feel some of the love coming back