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This is the core of Autistic Identity Trauma. We dissociate completely from experiencing ourselves and retreat into a cognitively mediated flow which protects us but alienates us from *experience itself*. https://t.co/g8M4ZVUsLf
ohhhhhh! if you learned early on “when I flow thru life intuitively I frequently get sanctioned, humiliated or ostracised” then it would be an adaptive choice to retreat into analytical modes of relating to others aka “cannot vibe”
The cognitive way of being is very powerful - for working with facts and concepts and abstractions. This is why so many of us are eg academic high performers. But “identity” isn’t a fact or concept or abstraction, it’s an *experience*. This is also why many of us can’t dance.
We can heal this damage, but it requires a bit of (joyful!) work. This is what my coaching practice is about. Reach out to book a session if you’re curious, https://t.co/TDGEJmhglB
You don’t *have* to be autistic to experience this, but it sometimes seems to me that a majority of autistic people in particular do. Another way to frame this though is: this is internalized empire, which tells you that there’s a right way to be.
When e.e. cummings wrote “kisses are a better fate than wisdom” this is what he was talking about. You cannot reason your way into an experience. This is also the central idea of The Matrix - you gotta escape the normative rules engine to become who you always were.
To zoom out a bit, this is the difference between eastern and western spiritual traditions. In the west our monasteries mortify the flesh while glorifying the mind. In the east it’s about being in your body. That vague appeal eastern mysticism has? It’s your *body* yearning.
How do you heal this? Step one is to learn to recognize it. “I seem to be live by in the computer room.” Step two is to reach out to the experiencing self that you’ve abandoned or even locked away. Step three is realizing “this is ALL me, and always was!”
More information here: https://t.co/NwALX5ljgm