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🧵 Thread (9 tweets)

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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

i've carried, i carry, so much absence in my body

14 1
5/24/2024
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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

if im being honest, really really introspective of my experience, there's a part of me that's tried to be adopted into belonging by almost every person i've met https://t.co/MI3uOGZuNT

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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 2 years ago

part of them is trying to be adopted into belonging by every person they met https://t.co/ba3TR49Zrt

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6/4/2024
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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

the instant classification of people as not mattering, or people i want to get the approval of? it feels like that part deciding if they are worthy being the Temporary Mom Figure. or Dad Figure https://t.co/okSr8UxA1R

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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

one of the things that's eased for me is beauty standards something i was aware of in the back of my head that bothered me in high school was it basically felt only smart, pretty, intelligent people were people everyone else... what exactly? i don't know not people https://t.co/gl03wNDQNb

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6/4/2024
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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

trying to get someone to Hold My Fish https://t.co/ba3TR49Zrt

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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 2 years ago

i guess that’s what trying to give your fish to people is — trying to get them to adopt your homeless inner child https://t.co/06cPu6StYo

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6/4/2024
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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

the ickiness, the messiness, the people-pleasyness, it feels like that

4 0
6/4/2024
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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

my fear/shame about all this is that it immediately and unequivocally disqualifies me from all human interactions because i have this hunger even a little bit, i must be kept away. self-isolate

9 0
6/4/2024
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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

ive had relationships with people who found it positive and fun where nevertheless, internally, i felt "i dont feel real, therefore im not real, therefore im manipulating people, and im bad"

8 0
6/4/2024
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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

there is something clawing about me. and you know what? something that made it very clear was working at the preschool. because the truth is, i saw it in some kids. and it just broke my heart open https://t.co/fyL8FpvDnh

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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

even if i didn’t know anything about attachment styles, i sure as heck would invent them after working here 🥲😢 https://t.co/QGAT4a6bo6

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6/4/2024
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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

this idea i must be totally locked away until i am somehow better and no longer have this and then i can be readmitted i think about if these children had that idea about themselves

9 0
6/4/2024