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i secretly wished my parents were dead for a long time ofc, it's such a shameful, weird feeling, i didn't tell anyone about it. people don't have the space to sit with such a feeling https://t.co/203ZrW9srf
but i did. i had the space. i sat by my inner child every day for months as he wished for that. and slowly, i found—a rich inner world. a little child who just wanted to play. i listened to him every day, and gave him the confidence to do what he wanted
and slowly, the resentment about my parents? it melted away. they were just people. and they were people i loved https://t.co/dpnmheIVef
@Zoomification @petrichor_lull had a tweet about speedrunning the tpot pipeline of "i had a good childhood" to "i had a bad childhood" to "i had a childhood, and it missed key developmental needs, but i have the chance to fill them in now, and i love my parents very much anyway"
i'd never hated them. i'd hated the psychological distance i had from them. and when our psychological distance from people is "too fucking close for too fucking long", it comes out as hate https://t.co/5wORvf7mzL
i was never worried from the start i actually hated my parents. i knew i loved him. but i also knew i couldn't get to the love if i didn't through the hate im so, so glad i had it in me, to feel it all the way through https://t.co/1sWAThYcwo
i could have gone the rest of my life, in a semi-numb state, intellectually feeling love for my parents, somatically feeling unsafe. somatically stuck in the theatre of that 5yo self i wouldn't have gotten here https://t.co/Vd971Xy5Fq