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day 52 of moving to bay area today, i felt a complete deadening take over. my entire motivation system, grinding to a halt im so triggered im not even triggered here—just numb part of me screams, "DO YOUR JOB. DO YOUR CLASSES." the rest of me is terrified and wants to do nthng https://t.co/olBgWioIWS
part of me was so scared, of doing anything, terrified of the part of me yelling and the part of me yelling. it was just terrified of deadlines arriving. it thought a sinkhole would open up in the ground and swallow me whole if i missed anything
i was running, running, away from triggers. not toward anything and at some point, you know, i think the body just gives up and says, "i’ll lie down here after all, we've been running for while, and we don’t seem to be running towards anywhere that seems better"
i wished i was an immigrant to this country, that had a girl back home he loved very much, that did whatever it takes, that bore whatever challenge, because he had something he loved that much i wanted to love my inner kid that much
@AskYatharth Related https://t.co/YwdNZWymot
ive been reflecting on the “right to be” - my sense/experience is that in the culture here (whatever here means), people dont have the right to exist. you dont have the right to simply be, you have to justify and earn your existence, you have to be producing something of value