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and it's not like i was in some paradise before. i was in LA. but damn, just being by a sunny beach every day, being around a place that was loud, vibrant, happy, serendipitous, artistic, useless, all those things, it was different. it kept a soul alive https://t.co/4OcMo3bf52
i remember a time when i didn't wake up questioning "whether life had meaning" and "the purpose of my life" every day and then i sort of wake up from that stupor of mentally pondering those questions, and it feels like i just awoke back into the real world
of real sensations, of the real candle in front of me, of the real feeling of my body there was something real here. meaning was a felt experience, not a considered question https://t.co/zSvDXRNLQM
meaning was felt, and obvious. meaning wasn't always "there" in a mental, intellectual form, but there would always be a sense of what im feeling, and how to relate to that feeling, and a sense of the next moment, and how i want to relate to the next, and so on
despite the abundance of humanity-helping projects, life feels empty. somehow in doing those projects, aliveness is sucked out. only the brain and mental narratives of meaning are serviced. everything else is left to decay
it would not be a well-integrated body that had thought about questions like "so what do i want to do on this earth anyway?" i mean, mentally, they would have. they would have quarterly reflections, and intelligent, self-reflective answers
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