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day 23 of moving to the bay area: im usually distraught here. this place doesn't feel friendly to the warm and intuitive side of me it’s a place that either exoticises or exiles intuition, pedestalises or mocks. neither of those are actually friendly behaviours https://t.co/3QD0Otd8pP

it's funny, i once tweeted about this girl i met on campus. i learned later, being on campus was difficult for her at first. she was so used to the warm, welcoming streets of Ankara. she couldn't understand why people were so cold here https://t.co/8KfZYX6k8V

she was a deeply intuitive, observant person. at the time, i couldn’t relate to her. i thought she was exotic. she’d do things like walk to far places because her heart told her to i didn’t get her then, or ever expect to, or want to. and im here going oh, i get it

i have a strong aversion to blaming other people or places for things. but that aversion has cost the before. it’s cost me noticing im not always the same everywhere or around all people. it’s consistently harder here, to retain that warm, open intuitiveness. but it’s possible

the bay area makes a certain kind of ambition easy. and a certain type of intellectual and intellectual-emotional inquiry the bay area makes conventional ambition free and infectious i’d probably value this place more if i was in paucity of those things, but im not

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