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🧵 Thread (17 tweets)

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

day 11 of moving to the bay area: my entire life, i've felt too intense or heavy for other people. i've tried to make myself less intense or heavy around other people here, i've found myself doing that again

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1/18/2024

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

i avoid grief, it might overwhelm others. i avoid intensity, it might come across unappealing particularly around women i might like. any sign of potential distaste for me—i take really personally i've found myself trying to manage out any such moments https://t.co/9fmHwSZIMk

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 2 years ago

@visakanv @bertmuthalaly people-pleasing is trying really hard to control how other people express how they feel, because you can't really handle the momentary shame/grief/connectionless emptiness of them not reacting a certain way

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1/18/2024

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

it's like hanging on the connection with others, instead of myself; not wanting the connection to others to be disrupted for a moment, and i sense it would be if i felt more intensely i feel homeless. it's a homeless way to live https://t.co/EMgfYjhftV

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 2 years ago

what the baby needs to hear needs to come from inner adult. it can't be left homeless in other people’s conversational lap https://t.co/FQrLVSvfao

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1/18/2024

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

i can't live in the shallow, fake, deliberately image i show others there isn't room enough for my soul, in the part of me that can be witnessed by others, not here

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1/18/2024

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

in 10 minutes of my singing lesson yesterday, i felt both orgasmic pleasure and grief suddenly, i was around someone who i trusted to barely flinch at either suddenly, it felt like how it felt to be around me myself, alone, mostly, in LA https://t.co/0Cz0wslXLy

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

anyway, yeah, i had a singing lesson, it was good https://t.co/syGdy9aero

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1/18/2024

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

im not totally sure what to do but it's also obvious. find the people, spaces, trees in my life that have unflinching space for me. love them. be me https://t.co/8bGiQkEURE

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

feeling alone is compatible with feeling connected to other human begins but feeling fake is compatible neither with feeling connected to other human beings nor with myself

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1/18/2024

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

take it seriously as a need and a desire, to be around contexts that feel like that go to yoga class more. give it more attention in my journal, and here, on twitter. breathe life back into my soul. unite it with the world make... art? that would be a new one for me https://t.co/KfJJ9vLtko

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

i feel so behind day 1 in my art class (skull drawing), it kind of threw me off. im so clearly the worst student in the class im sitting there, questioning my right to be in the class, almost in tears, not having a good time

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1/18/2024

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

random related tweet https://t.co/hheQGtsVWr

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 3 years ago

“who respects me when i am cringe?” seems like a useful question to ask.

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1/18/2024

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

being relationally homeless https://t.co/TQgkZOvna6 https://t.co/zDtQvJ5DU9

Visakan Veerasamy@visakanv• over 1 year ago

@Malcolm_Ocean @jessicamalonso banger reminds me of https://t.co/GgPxQrPzWn

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1/18/2024

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

astrology people be on their game as usual https://t.co/EdHpvN5dmL

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

@juseishotsu hahahahaha WHAT https://t.co/IrIaznF9CD

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1/18/2024

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

it's been nice to write this thread https://t.co/PtTyd1SroC

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

it's so weird to talk about myself openly and honestly because once i do, none of what im doing seems aberrational or unforgivable all of it makes sense. "yeah. you had a bunch of threat responses going off, yatharth. it stressed you out and put you in perma-no crying mode" https://t.co/24lGxuOkmK

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1/18/2024

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

all it said amounted to one quiet sentence https://t.co/pWvg2yy6m7

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

this entire thread feels like it exists because i had a gap in my vocabulary: all i needed to say to myself is "i feel unsafe" https://t.co/24lGxuOkmK

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1/18/2024

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

☝️ back to main thread https://t.co/HUIziSnq09

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

a diary of moving to the bay https://t.co/hDxd46blPe

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1/19/2024

Malcolm Ocean 🏴‍☠️@Malcolm_Ocean• over 1 year ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

@AskYatharth hmmmm I found when I visited the Bay a bunch in 2014-2016 I kept getting this feeling of "adrift", which was related to a sense of nobody knowing where I was or if I was okay I don't feel that anymore, partly because I'm with Jess, partially because of BeReal & gmaps loc sharing

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1/18/2024

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

Replying to @Malcolm_Ocean

@Malcolm_Ocean yeah, nature tracking how i am is a big part of grounding for me

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1/18/2024

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 1 year ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

@Malcolm_Ocean relationships with nature take time

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1/18/2024

Malcolm Ocean 🏴‍☠️@Malcolm_Ocean• over 1 year ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

@AskYatharth come up to SF and let's go for a walk in Glen Canyon https://t.co/7hgFyB4WbA

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2/4/2024