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an unexpected effect of a more regulated nervous system is a 4 hour drive doesn't feel like a lot. a 40 minute walk doesn't feel like a lot. waiting 10 minutes for the washer to finish feels fine. they used to feel intolerable https://t.co/KELjdMT7tf
my body feels on river time. in river time, my body is constantly alive. rushing, flowing. thoughts may be present or absent i'm waiting for stimulus to panic. i'm not panicking in advance because i have nothing to do https://t.co/8rO5INrrgt
silence is a home. previously, i suppose it felt like death https://t.co/ER8iQc4SRI
'My people today recognize and experience in this quietness the great life-giving spirit, the father of us all. Our culture has taught us to be still and to wait. We don't try to hurry things up. We let them follow their natural course, like the seasons.'
modernity can't afford to pause, and look down, behind. sometimes i think modern people live like that too. they can't afford to pause, and look down, lest they meet themselves https://t.co/S8Y5CNT3eT
modernity prospers not by looking back or down, but by continuing to look up and forward always it can't afford to look down, back, at the bones. those who put a gaze on the bones are a threat to the state, survival, order https://t.co/dreNmdBRIl
lest they meet themselves, the ugly, real, incompressible, wild them https://t.co/Pw1eTTc2E5
i thought i hated waiting was because i wanted to be efficient. i just had a dysregulated nervous system i lived outside of my own hide, just outside my own skin. inside was too unsafe https://t.co/xKyITUVltR
the mind and heart and body are names for different intelligences for how to move through the world when there's life long dissociation there's deep clenching on the mental way deep distrust of the body moving emotions too many things stuffed behind the closet reasonable https://t.co/cwmAv9V3pO
@mr_samosaman hmmm, interesting to ask me to compress it into a tweet i guess it was a process of constantly connecting to my environment, and myself, until i became aware of just how unsafe i normally felt, and feeling more held in that https://t.co/3eGA6CU5PX
@mr_samosaman and then somehow, it started feeling like my environment was naturally just "holding" myself. my brain/body became relaxed. i was just moving through the world, and thoughts and feelings felt spontaneously attended to
@mr_samosaman being "me" didn't feel "sticky", like it did when i was thinking so much, or constantly trying to navigate life with like one 5yo part in change https://t.co/B7btVVbKZw
sometimes my best friend would ask me, when were in the car, or just on the beach, "what are you thinking?" and i'd just say "nothing". it was true. i was just in total repose in the universe. a lot of the time, i just didn't have thoughts https://t.co/hk7OWgb2RL
@mr_samosaman i wasn't constantly having little blips of feelings and thoughts in the background and ignoring them. shit was smoother. it felt more ok to just hang out https://t.co/eCcpYNXtcT