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there's something important about that. when we're first exposed to love, especially after being deprived of it for so long, we need to cling. we don't know if it'll come back we need the thing to come back many times, to let us know itās safe to let go
what we have been starved of love, it hurts to open up that hunger again. like an exhale we have been keeping in too long, it literally hurts. and, if breath is not going to come again for a while, we may decide it was better to not have opened at all https://t.co/lvXi5bKh52
we are, perhaps, receiving love in a way they wanted it so much, we canāt afford to let that part get hurt. we donāt know if the compliment is real, if itās going to sustainably come back, if we can afford to let ourselves want itā¦ it hurts to want and not receive
flowers close out of the wisdom and self-care to not get hurt flowers close out of the desire to protect their innocence for another day hearts do too https://t.co/XfxmAQaOyA
but with sufficient mothering, we can let the child notice their *want* of the father, and then grieve that too we donāt need to keep a glass wall between the child and their own experience of the world, because we can help them now with the waves coming in https://t.co/TWNqTelw5c
those moments of beauty, over time, they became more and more frequent, and my experience of them became less dramatic https://t.co/ttusM9ZUwS
at my singing lesson, on venice beach, i had this moment i sometimes have, of wow, this moment is perfect, i don't know how it's going to get better what do you do with that feeling? i had a little bit of a different answer this time. seasonality
> mentally, i make awed note at . . . another part of me is unconcerned, and accepts it like it accepts that when thrown water falls https://t.co/6QoRzn3aGd
something about me grasps seasonality. mentally, i make awed note at how coincidental it is my metaphorical fall coincides with seasonal fall. another part of me is unconcerned, and accepts it like it accepts that when thrown water falls https://t.co/1vw3J81Jps
eventually, the concern is less rooted in the maintenence of states as a bulwark agains that which would mean grief, and more in the movement https://t.co/coXWfQnB9W
first, we stumble into the blooming well of fatherhood. inner fatherhood. the earthās fatherhood. the good father. the father that was always there we cannot find our way back reliably. but soon we begin finding little wells everywhere. we make the walk daily
the well begins living in us https://t.co/fDdDlAxeTF
this is not a metaphor https://t.co/cbuXvAUVku
we are not like motherless flowers, blooming at every sign of hope, any pittance of attention a stranger gives us, as if that is a livable wage for the heart, as if we could live on that https://t.co/MI3uOGZuNT
instead of the flower blooming at every first sign of rain, and its heart getting crushed again we begin to learn what the wild mother would have thought us. to sniff where is real rain https://t.co/pmPG5G6S4W
>Many women do not even have the basic teaching about predators that a wolf mother gives to her pups, such as: if it's threatening and bigger than you, flee; if it's weaker, see what you want to do; if it's sick, leave it alone; if it has quills, poison, fangs, or razor claws,ā¦ https://t.co/8qIs44zQMO
to use that ancient sense organ that is our discernment to simultaneously care, like a wolf mother for her pups https://t.co/zT2rh1ejJp
even if love and compliments are cheap, people who still stick around in your life, help you get groceries, prioritise you over other people are still limited; that stuff is expensive. so it's right for people who associate the first with the latter to be suspicious of it
we adopt an attitude of lowered stress towards signs of potential states of grief, because our good mother wasnāt https://t.co/WuOyMkOwZM
babies look. babies look for signs of "is this ok". if there is grief upcoming, they look at the mother. if our inner mother cannot handle it, we may give over to the great mother, if we have developed a relationship with her https://t.co/kgzJTEibpg
we may give ourselves over to the great mother, the ocean, river, water in particular, if we have noticed the waves and coming and going. built a trust that, like with human people, comes with time https://t.co/ouEvEmwvQL
āthe unthinkable happens - and then life continues. and then something good happens, but the unthinkable also did happen??ā building embodied relationship with the ocean is helping this feel more obvious. one wave happens - gah - oh wait, lifeās not done? thereās another wave? https://t.co/nm2I5FH2fX
>a trust, that like with human persons, comes over time https://t.co/6knNbQT7xl
>Maybe a little breeze came up, maybe a hidden current, or the . . . but whatever the invisible hand, my little boat began to rock . . . Held by the hills and rocked by the water, the hand of the breeze against my cheek, I gave myself over to the comfort that came, unbidden. https://t.co/lgIiUpVsg4
another lovely thread on this topic https://t.co/NxYDruUEQk