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more recently, it's begun feeling more right. i am me, and i am seeking the counsel of this person, and while i am with them, i am held i never lose sight of my ultimate agency, to rely on a multitude of teachers, to always be discerning what i'm taking in, & how much i trust it
it feels more… 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵. more balanced, grounded, pivoted on the true nature of the connection expecting them and needing them to know everything felt like giving up my agency and discernment https://t.co/IXMgoTLN1F
it felt like codependent behaviour. expecting to live inside the connection to someone else. thinking the only options are that, or not being held at all https://t.co/ssDeOM5EFW
i can allows myself to be held by them, instead of keeping a cold clinical distance because i don't know how to be held without abandoning my own self-support entirely https://t.co/vYU6PkackE
@HephaistosF i had some version of this, where i mistrusted others so much, i had a hard time, especially with people who seemed like they were trying to listen, because it just felt like "NOOO, YOU DoN'T GET IT, you won't ACTUALLY be here for me in the way i need, fuck you!!!"
part of this can be held by the teacher https://t.co/eeJYpKdgus