Community Archive

🧵 View Thread

🧵 Thread (16 tweets)

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• almost 2 years ago

had a really beautiful IFS session just now featuring the iron man suit

1 0

9/19/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• almost 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

i started with a part that, when i'm activated, hurts my mom casually/nonchalantly. and a part that hates that. i wanted to focus on the former https://t.co/8lNTNxY2G7

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• almost 2 years ago

And when I let it land I feel like shit, out of integrity. I don’t want to be hurting my mom. Why do I do that?

3 0

0 0

9/19/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• almost 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

i identified the former part as very brainy, disembodied, win at all costs. i'd explored it in school contexts but not deeply in relation to my mom.

0 0

9/19/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• almost 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

a part of me was really angry at this part. this part loves my mom, "how could you attack someone you love". that's fucked up. not to speak of the hypocrisy https://t.co/vzVU7B3Jsi

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• almost 2 years ago

Of fucking course. This is exactly what I want to hear from her. And as always, better for me to show rather than tell

1 0

0 0

9/19/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• almost 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

it said "i have been blind to the suffering of my mom. and i have contributed to it". which is true

0 0

9/19/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• almost 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

the part turned into (a new part came up with?) sadness. not only have i been blind to the suffering of my mom, but i've contributed to it.

0 0

9/19/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• almost 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

the part (another part?) wanted me to grieve this with my mom. which i'm going to go do after i post this thread

0 0

9/19/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• almost 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

we returned to the brainy part that hurts my mom nonchalantly. i expressed some curiosity towards it. it was open to talk but first it wanted to describe itself

0 0

9/19/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• almost 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

the image that came was the ironman suit, in particular the helmet. the purpose of the suit is to protect me and to destroy if necessary, to dominate thru intellect. it started doing its job from a young age, to protect me from my mom.

0 0

9/19/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• almost 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

i looked the part in the eyes. inside the helmet was a kid. looking as an adult from the outside, my eyes started welling up. the kid's did too

0 0

9/19/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• almost 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

me: "you don't have to wear the suit anymore"kid: "i don't?🥺"sobbing begins

0 0

9/19/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• almost 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

the kid wants me to have the suit. i take it, saying "i'll keep the suit but i don't think we're gonna need it"

0 0

9/19/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• almost 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

the kid goes running off into a field chasing butterflies

0 0

9/19/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• almost 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

the adult me says "i want to let my mom impact me, and to share that impact, not be blocking it out and fighting back"

0 0

9/19/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• almost 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

ended with me and the kid hugging, the kid saying "you're the hero, you should have the hero suit" 🥲 https://t.co/DI2iZL6T9g

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• about 2 years ago

today my inner child told adult me "you're my hero" 🥹🥹😭😭🥲🥲

39 2

0 0

9/19/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• almost 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

IIRC here my traps softened and my shoulders dropped noticeably. I always have a lot of tension in them and i *think* there’s less now the day after?

0 0

9/20/2023