🧵 View Thread
🧵 Thread (11 tweets)
This idea of "waiting for a better version of myself" is SO pernicious. I feel like it was really hard to recognize until I named it. And now I can see like SO many ideas & things I want to do that never blossom because of it. https://t.co/eJBrjzpPO7
I've been going through this transition recently of learning to accept it, and I think it actually comes from a feeling of not being happy with who I currently am. I was too focused on imagining a better version of myself. Like thinking about Friday night: the possibilities are endless. What will I do with my weekend? Creative projects? Read all the books? Meet new people? I want to be that person who does all that. I'm not that person today. So I try to jump between all these and get nothing done. Instead, once I've shifted to accepting who I currently am, it's much easier to just sit down and do 1 thing and be ok with it. Because I know I'm not some super prolific person, I'm not disappointed. And YET ironically this is a much better path to growth than being obsessed with achieving growth directly (I actually get shit down with this mindset)
Like, this is how it goes almost daily: (1) Oh, I should do X! (2) ah, I don't have the energy to do that well right now (3) I will do it later tonight/tomorrow morning/this weekend when I have the energy to do it right (and of course I NEVER do it) this is a TERRIBLE pattern
It's terrible because, what it does is create this build up & pressure. I didn't do it when I first had the idea. So some of that original excitement is gone. And when I take a first crack at it, it doesn't come out super good. So I waited all week just to do something not very…
I think it's been SO hard to resist all my life because every time that I finally get over this and get something good done, that raises the bar of my expectations. I can SEE how good I can be when I am focused. So I refuse to do any more work below that bar, and I get stuck
This feels like it's already happening to me again with this account. I have felt SO unstuck because nobody I know is reading this anyway so I can just freely experiment and do shit. Then someone notices & likes it! I love it!! But oh shit, my brain goes, I should stop tweeting annoying/low effort things and only post the good stuff. but NO, I need to resist this pattern! The only way to get the good stuff is to keep doing lots of stuff. Keep the faucet running as Neil Gaiman says https://t.co/jAp6KyS7nl
On the faucet anology: https://t.co/eqUsKSX7Zc
@DefenderOfBasic Ahahah I know that feeling a lot!We're here for the annoying/low efforts stuff as well, or not, and it's fine too :)Relatedly, this tweet gave me to think about this pattern: https://t.co/inSor3qtZu
Here's another scenario where I almost didn't post because I was like, this is such an honest & genuine post, I need to respond to it thoughtfully. And I feel like I can't do that right now. But I think it's better to just say, here's initial thoughts https://t.co/6EU6gMs49T
@loosey11goosey Oh boy! I have so many words to spill on this. For now I will say: it is definitely a real risk, but I think it's something you can find fulfilling compromises on. As long as you don't live together it will be easy to find time to deeply be alive in your own way (in my expr)
@DefenderOfBasic sir https://t.co/o5NBFxytZA
@RichDecibels Yes!!! I think this works both ways too. "I am somewhat known in my niche field" paralyzes me, because it is attached to self. But I am not the same person today as I always have been. I might do great work again in the future. But I can also just sit down and write w/e now