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god, i just remembered when i was in middle school, and did my fucking science fair project on tuning golang's net/http library for multi-core performance, because i started on it way too last-minute for my parents to take me to the store so that i could do a "normal" project
the teacher gave me an A, but i remember during the middle school science fair, my board was at the back and nobody gave a shit about my project because it was middle school and everyone else was doing projects on lemon batteries and the effect of music on plant growth
i've been reading a lot of software-related scientific papers recently and i kinda feel bad for how younger kat tried to stay passionate, even though, at the time, it seemed like nobody else she'd ever meet would share those interests
then, years too late, she'd eventually end up in a school that taught compsci halfway through her final year of highschool, and finally fully realize that everyone telling her she was "special" and "going to be the next [insert famous tech ceo]" was lying to her
there were countless other kids who had the same interests she had, but unlike her, they had access to classes regarding those interests in school, rather than having to slowly figure shit out and piece things together from navigating the internet
hell, the person i was dating at the time seemed more knowledgeable than meso, i kinda just gave up on having any interests and hobbies for a year. i was just slowly trying to come to terms with the fact that i'd likely never make anything meaningful.
(well it's also because going into this stuff seems like pretty much my best option to get into a decent job before i burn through all my savings, but i am genuinely starting to enjoy this stuff again, rather than just relearning it out of desperation.)