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another valuable things from microsolidarity summer camp for me was exploring my relationship to pain, discomfort, caretaking, and hurting people https://t.co/oVWI5Tg07Y
basically continuing on from this https://t.co/N3HjSrliVE
some defensiveness also came from not feeling very settled in how i relate to pain and discomfort. ive only started really chewing on it recently, and definitely dont feel like i have a mature/nourishing relation to it https://t.co/EAqNlAnap1
i generally hate feeling uncomfortable. my typical stances are to avoid, to relieve, to confront. even when i attempt to accept it feels like it's through gritted teeth, and as soon as i start asking "why", it never feels like there's a good reason
i think i also pair it with feeling stuck (in pain) https://t.co/lY4Gt5Mymu
i wonder to what extent my aversion to discomfort and pain comes from my relationship with my mom, where discomfort and pain felt like weapons used against me to cut down my self worth and felt indicative of a lack of love and care
and more broadly too, which is a segway into the way that i react(ed) to meanness. basically, i dont like it when people are mean, aka intentionally hurting other people https://t.co/9T6gLemCib
but as the session at microsolidarity on a systemic view on conflict shared, people slowly escalate to levels of conflict that involve wanting to hurt others. another way of saying hurt people hurt people - people only lash out when they themselves are feeling very hurt
it also reflects an internal sense of "i can't hurt people thats capital B Bad" - rejecting myself for doing that, and thus rejecting others for it also. and actually i think drives my forays into power dynamics https://t.co/QB32s0qfdm
hot take: we shouldn't encourage young adults to be ambitious. at least not until they've had at least a few years to explore themselves, til they've built some legit awareness around power dynamics, and til they've built love infrastructure https://t.co/7mn87QN3bv